Listen to Episode

Read Episode Transcript

Here's a question. What if beer could get to the right place at the right time, all the time? With IBM consulting, AI-powered software can help automate your supply chain, so beer can be ordered, produced, and delivered more efficiently. So deliveries keep going, and the beer keeps flowing. That's the automation solution IBM and a global beer company created. What will you create? Learn more at IBM.com slash automation. IBM, let's create. C-C dot E-D-U. Donald Trump, meanwhile, and Florida Governor Rod DeSantis held competing rallies in the state of Florida yesterday. While Trump urged Florian to vote for DeSantis in his race against Democrat Charlie Christ, the four president also took a swipe at the governor as a potential 2024 opponent. We're winning big, big, big in the Republican Party for the nomination, like nobody's ever seen before. Let's say there it is Trump at 71, Ron DeSantis at 10%, Mike Pence at 7, or Mike Sturdy better than I thought. Yeah, I thought he'd be dead by now. I guess there's always next time he's doing better. By the way, I love how Trump always gives speeches on the tarmac right in front of his plane. Have you noticed how he does the door is open? It's almost like he doesn't want to spend one second longer than needed with those people. He's just like, keep the engine running. I want to leave this shit hole town as soon as I say goodnight. In fact, just dangle me from a helicopter and pull me up when I'm done. I want to get out of here before these red necks can touch me. You saw what they did to Mike Pence. These people are dangerous. But the reason that speech is going viral is because of that bitchy little swipe at Ron DeSantis. Yeah, you saw that breaking out a classic Trump nickname. I mean, at least we think it was a nickname. It could have just been Trump trying to say DeSantis. You know him. DeSantis, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and what makes the story even better is that apparently Trump has been privately testing nicknames for Ron DeSantis. Yeah. Which is amazing to me. The man is on a meeting with his team of lawyers and he's like, all right, all right, enough of all the ways that I could go to jail. What do you guys like better? Ron DeSantis, Ron DeSantis, Ron DeShithead. Which one? Right now. Right now. Right now, it looks like a Trump versus DeSantis feud is breaking out into the open. And you know, usually when two men fight in Florida, it's at a Margarita, like 1am, but this, this is a lot more high stakes, which is probably why a lot of Republicans are upset with Trump for going after DeSantis. Yeah. Because they're like, what are you doing? We love Ron DeSantis. He's our guy. And Trump is like, yeah, I know. That's why I hate him. Because you see, people don't realize that's the one thing Trump hates more than anything. Is anyone having what he thinks should be his spotlight. That might be the thing that destroys the Republican chances in 2024. Donald Trump cannot stand not being the center of attention. I bet he got jealous when his kids were born, you know? There's like, congratulations. It's a boy. He's like, I'm also a boy and I've been a boy much longer. So long. Many people not. We're saying it best way of all time. As you know, last week, the immigration debate in America was reignited once again by Ron DeSantis, Florida Governor and the Dad of your School bully. You see, for months now, Republican governors in Arizona and Texas have been trying to draw attention to border security by busing migrants to places like New York and Chicago. But DeSantis took things up a notch by hiring a plane to take 48 Venezuelan migrants from Texas and drop them off in Martha's Vineyard. And if DeSantis was looking for attention, well, he definitely got it. Some Democratic lawmakers want the Justice Department to open an investigation after 50 Venezuelan migrants were flown to Martha's Vineyard last week. This morning, a Texas sheriff launching a criminal investigation against Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. Massachusetts authorities won a federal human trafficking probe into what it calls in humane acts by DeSantis and others. They were told there was a surprise present for them and that there would be jobs and housing waiting for them when they arrived. This was obviously a sadistic lie. They were lured by false pretenses and then transported across state lines. That is enough evidence to open a criminal investigation for the federal crime of kidnapping by invaglement. Kidnapping by invaglement? I swear to God, Republicans are going to give me a Lord degree by the time the shit is all about Christmas. We keep learning about new things in vagal mint. But yeah, basically, DeSantis tried to pull a stunts that may have turned into an actual crime. But it doesn't surprise me. It doesn't surprise me that Ron DeSantis is doing this. He looks kind of like a human trafficker. No, no, for real. Look at him. Just look at him. Look at him. Tell me. Tell me that's not the pose of a man who's smuggling a group of Venezuelans up his butt. Look at that guy. Look at him. Look at him. So, to many Democrats, especially, DeSantis is basically just a kidnapper in a front-piece suit. But what's interesting is over in Magoworld, DeSantis has been getting heroes welcome. This weekend in Kansas, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis received a standing ovation from Republican voters when he talked about the Southern border. As stunts go, this has been an incredibly brilliant stunts. Obviously, a boss moved by DeSantis. I think this is brilliant. They need to do more. Tomorrow, Martha's Vineyard needs 100. The next day they need 200. The next day they need 1000. Martha's Vineyard lost their mind. Ron DeSantis, he's playing chess here. Democrats and our allies in the media, they're playing checkers. The hypocrisy is now out in the open. This is amazing. This is Checkmate. Ooh, Checkmate. Yeah. I like how Republicans are like, no, no. They're not using immigrants as pawns, but also checkmate. As you can see, conservatives, they're just f**king their pants over this thing. It was brilliant. A boss move. Yes, queen. Martha's Vineyard lost their mind. And by the way, did it really? Did it? Did Martha's Vineyard lose its mind? 50 migrants showed up. Out of nowhere. And the people of Martha's Vineyard gave them food and shelter and then exchanged hugs with them as they boarded buses to leave. Now, I know Ted Cruz has never been hugged before, so he may have thought that they were trying to strangle each other, but that doesn't look like people losing their minds to me. And this really shows you how America is living in two completely separate realities right now. In the Democratic world, this was a hot-less and illegal stunt. In Maga world, this is the most brilliant thing anyone's done since Jesus invented the era 15. Yeah, Democrats say Martha's Vineyard proved DeSantis wrong by welcoming the migrants with open arms. And the government says they proved DeSantis right by shipping the migrants off to a military base after two days. It's pretty wild. I mean, at this point, America's basically the multiverse. There's one universe where DeSantis is a god. And simultaneously, another universe where he's headed to prison and has those hot dogs for fingers. But believe it or not, believe it or not, there is actually one conservative who is upset with DeSantis, and you'll never guess who it is. Rolling Stone reports that Trump is upset about DeSantis' decision to fly nearly 50 migrants from Texas to Martha's Vineyard last week, not because he thinks it was a depraved and irresponsible and inhumane practice to target asylum seekers. No. Trump is angry because it was his idea first. According to the story, the former president, quote, vented that DeSantis' latest stunt was yet another one of my ideas that the governor allegedly stole from Trump. Oh, man, poor Donald Trump. He's just sitting at home like, you stole my idea. And by the way, stealing stuff is also my idea. Read the news. Read it in week. My idea. But you know what's really telling him is that in a way, Trump has a point. Right? He is the guy who came up with the idea of turning all politics into a series of stunts. That is what he did. The Muslim bad. Build the wall. That shouldn't solve anything, but it got the people going. And now pulling stunts has become the driving force of the Republican Party. But Trump, he stuck watching it on the sidelines. And I feel bad for you. It's the Trump. But the fact is, Ron DeSantis, you see what he's doing. He's slowly becoming the Republican Party now, stealing your tricks, making it his own. And so you better get used to this. You better get used to being smuggled in his butthole for the right. Let's kick things off with Donald Trump, the former president of the United States. I feel you. And future president of Cell Block D. Yes. Yesterday, Trump sat down for an interview on Fox News with Sean Mantidys. That's his real name. And it sounds like Trump isn't happy that Ron DeSantis might run against him after all the help he gave Ron when he was running for governor. Ron came to see me tears in his eyes. He said, I need you to do me a big favor. Would you endorse me? I fought for you. So I said, let's give it a shot, Ron, okay? And he was desperate. I said, okay. I gave him a nice endorsement. I got him the nomination. By the way, you could have never gotten the nomination. He would be working in either a pizza parlor place or a law for us right now, okay? And he wouldn't be very hassle. Wow. Ron DeSantis would be working in a pizza parlor. I guess in Trump's mind every talent is working in a pizza place or a law office, or even better, a pizza place that's also a law office. I put on backwards. Hey, hey, hey, you, you, you, come here, you mook. Have you been injured on the job? And you're hungry? And come on into this tepono and suns. And if we can't win your case, the garlic knots are to die for. Hey, strong stuff, I'm going to release the guys. I got your gear right here, bye. If you've been following Florida politics, you're weird. And also, you know that Ron DeSantis has been attacking the Disney Corporation for a year now. Ever since Disney criticized his anti-gay bill and also because they used his image for quasi-moto. Dead ringer. Well now the fight has reached the courts. This morning, Disney sued Ron DeSantis accusing him of political retaliation. Which sounds bad, but if they really wanted to f**k him up, they'd slip his kid the Encanto soundtrack. As a parent, trust me, that can ruin your life. We don't talk about Bruno. How about we don't talk about giving you up for adoption if you don't turn that off? Get your high school credentials, earn your associate degree, transfer to a four-year college or university, and fast track your career at Johnston Community College. Close to home in Smithfield, Johnston CC is flexible and affordable. Financial aid is available for those who qualify. Don't wait for the change to come to you. Apply for free at JohnstonCC.edu today. Invest in yourself today and be the change. Plan ahead and apply early at JohnstonCC.edu. Governor Ron DeSantis is making news for his approach to teaching black history. Or should I say less of it? So I made a quick trip down the Florida to find out more. Last April, Ron DeSantis signed the Stop-Woke Act, which prohibits education that makes people feel anguish on the account of race, color, sex, or national origin. In other words, it's basically a legal noun floated to make white people feel bad about sleep. And some people love it. Keith Flaw is an education advisor to Ron DeSantis and a supporter of the Stop-Woke Act. We get teachers who are coming out of these liberal colleges. They believe our country is evil. They're teaching young children that it's about the color of your skin, not your character. OK. But how do we talk about race in this country in a way that keeps people from being so damn sensitive? I don't know that I haven't answered that. Just ask the issue. The proponents of C.O.T. are trying to say, let's talk about the race part of it. Just a little bit. And then people go, oh, the race is much more free of bad. That's a no-way of stop. Do you think that you change that by teaching young kids in kindergarten that because they're white, they're benefited from white supremacy? I'm telling the truth, by the way. I was going to say, I get it. I get it. OK. So do you believe that there is institutional racism in this country? I don't know that I don't know that I, you just said, do I believe it? I don't know that my opinion matters in that situation. I think you have to look at the facts. And I don't know that I'm prepared to state an opinion on that. Maybe the real question should be, whose feelings are we really worried about hurting? You know what you're doing? We talk about all the deep racism, racism, systemic equality. And then we have another class that's just called the good white folk. And did you have C.O.T. as a slate? You probably have seen it. Free black man got kidnapped. And then a Brad Pitt helped him get free. So we have, like, you learn about Brad Pitt. You learn about some of Dr. Cunes' white friends. But that helped me because I think I'm getting what you're saying now. But I don't think that helps at all. Because what you're doing is you're teaching... You didn't know about Brad Pitt. I just educated you. The idea of doing a class on good white people in history is just too good to resist. Hi. I'm Roy Wood Jr. And welcome to the only history class dedicated to the many great contributions of white folks. And therefore, the only class sanctioned by the State of Florida because it makes white people feel good. Welcome to the Great White's. Let's start with the greatest white of all. George Washington, born in 1732. George Washington led the American Revolution against the British Empire, secured the country's freedom, and then served as the nation's first president. Washington then retired to his beautiful plantation in Virginia, with his wife. And over 300 slaves as part of an economic system built on the subjugation of black people. George Washington also helped create the tradition of presidential term limits. Good work, George Washington. One of the other great whites in history that we often don't talk about is a brilliant white man named Thomas Edison. Working out of his lab in Menlo Park, New Jersey, Edison is credited with over a thousand patents in his lifetime. Among those patents Edison was credited for is the Motion Picture Camera. Without his work, we wouldn't have movies, TV shows, or footage of black people getting beat up by the police, like Rodney King. What's your favorite movie, My Honor Shred? Another great white who doesn't get the credit he deserves is politician, Jack Ryan. Jack was a successful investment banker who ran for Senate and Illinois in 2004. During his campaign, he came out that Ryan had bravely asked his wife to perform sexual acts on him in public. A disgrace Jack was forced to step down from the 2004 race, leading to an easy victory for his opponent, Barack Obama. He would go on to become president. And now, the lot in his dead and millions of people have health care all because of the great Jack Ryan. Well, with this country, we get that. His unclenchable horningness. Thank you, Jack. And finally, the world of sports, which is littered with great whites, including the greatest coach who ever lived. Phil Jackson, with the Chicago Bulls in the 90s, Jackson employed a groundbreaking offensive scheme called, passed a ball to the ball-headed black dude. Jackson would later find championships success with other ball-headed black dudes, like Shackling Co. But this ingenious strategy with the Bulls led to six championships. Jordan led the league and scoring ten times. Mainly thanks to great whites who passed him the ball. They could have easily led the league and scoring themselves, but out of sheer selflessness. Those great whites let Michael do it instead. Here's to you, Bill Wellington. Well, I'm afraid that's all the time we have for today. Join me next week when we talk about the brilliant Wright brothers and how their innovations and air travel led to the fire bomb in the Black Wall Street and the top gun movie. A little top gun. Not as much as I love Shrek. They both are. Get your high school credentials, earn your associate degree, transfer to a four-year college or university, and fast track your career at Johnston Community College, close to home in Smithfield, Johnston CC is flexible and affordable. Financial aid is available for those who qualify. Don't wait for the change to come to you. Apply for free at JohnstonCC.edu today. Invest in yourself today and be the change. Plan ahead and apply early at JohnstonCC.edu. My guest tonight is MSNBC host Alex Wagner. Her new prime time show, Alex Wagner tonight, premieres August 16th and will air Tuesday through Friday at 9pm. Please welcome Alex Wagner. Welcome back to the Daily Shaila Klaugner. It's a thrilling and honor. It is an honor for me. This is your sixth time. You might hold the record. Congratulations. I feel very positive about that. I actually got you a monkey pox vaccine as a gift. I want my photo in the hallway. I'll keep saying it over and over again. And I will make sure that I have one on you. I see two chains. I see Oprah. I need to see Alex Wagner in the hallway. And then I can stop coming on the whole show. I mean, you put me on the spot now, fine, because I do have the photo of us in my office. Like a beautiful frame. That's in the Tiffany frame. It's perfect. And no one walks past it. But it's fine. That's for you and me, Trevor. This is a really exciting time for everybody, because your show kicks off tomorrow. Yes. All right. I love your Instagram bio reads, anchor at MSNBC plus person worried about the future. Do you think that sounds a little melodramatic? What do you have to worry about the future? What about the droughts or the climate change? The ice caps melting faster than expected. President Schuffling off classified nuclear secrets to Palm Beach Resort. You know, Republican election deniers being elected across the country. What could go wrong? What do you want? But you know, because you travel so much, and because you've talked so many people on the ground, I've always felt like I should listen to you when you're worried, because you talked to America. Yeah. What's the biggest thing I want? And I will say on this show, I'm going to keep talking to America. I just went down to Florida, which is a place like vow never to return to each time I go, and yet I keep going down to Florida. That's what makes it great. Exactly. It was a hundred and seven degrees down there, and what Governor DeSantis is doing in that state is worthy of a very close examination. So we went down there and looked specifically at the ways in which Christian nationalism has worked its way into Florida public schools, and we're going to be talking about that this week, and some of the very alarming things that teachers are being trained to teach public school students on. You know, I will say you should be worried, Trevor, because not just this is happening in Florida, but this is very much seen as a model for what's happening across the rest of the country. Rhonda Santas may be the Republican nominee for president in 2021. Which people think of as like a good thing, because they go like, oh, he's calm. You know, he has a demeanor about him. Trump is crazy, but it seems like Trump's crazy was also the reason he couldn't get things done. Yes. Rhonda Santas, everyone says is like, oh, he's got all his cards. He's ready to play them. And he has a network of conservative activists, and donors, and power players in his corner. I mean, this is the result. This is the harvest of multiple years of trying to figure out how to re-indctrinate students into a certain line of conservative ideology. And Santas has made it happen, but he has a lot of people behind him. And there are other governors, Carrie Lake, and Arizona is the Republican nominee in Arizona. And she was on the stump. I think it was yesterday praising Santas and saying, am I allowed to say this on this family program? Yeah. That he had big dick energy, just like Donald Trump. Like not even kidding. She said, B-D-E. If you know, you know, big, desantis energy, but really saying that what we needed was more big, dick energy, the kind that Rhonda Santas and Donald Trump have. So that's where we are as a country, Trevor. And I'm here to tell you, I'm alarmed. You are going to be the person who is informing so many people about what's going on in the country. As an anchor on a show like yours, you're in an interesting position, because on the one hand, you want people to understand the states of the country. On the other hand, you don't want people to exist in a perpetual state of panic, because then what happens is people start getting tired. And they're like, I don't care anymore. Nothing is actually happening. How do you find that balance? Well, I think, you know, I don't want to be polyannish about things, right? When things are bad, I'm going to tell you they're bad. But I also think we haven't given up on democracy. And the reality is, if you don't like what Governor Rhonda Santas is doing, I mean, I spent 10 hours in a Brevard County School Board meeting. You can run for school board and stop some of this stuff from happening. You can participate in midterm elections. You can call your senators in congressman. I mean, that stuff, as cliche as it sounds, as small balls it sounds, it matters. Because the decision that the Brevard County School Board makes about whether or not kids can have book fairs again, and read certain books and talk about being homosexual or transgender, that means something. And those decisions are discreet, but they are part of our larger system of governance. And I don't want people to ever lose the hope that the project of America is a Fed of Complete. And it is a wrap, because it's not. And you can swing the pendulum back. I still believe that we generally take two steps forward and maybe one in three quarter steps back. That's a lot of steps back. But I mean, look at you and me, Trevor. I'm hosting the 9 PM hour of a very important cable network. You are the voice of a generation. Our stories are unlikely. We're two brown people that weren't ever supposed to be in these positions of power. And look at us. That's true. And that's true. It's true. Sometimes I go, the fact that it is the exception is what makes it scary a little bit sometimes. And so what's interesting about America, when you look at it as a whole, is it feels like sometimes, like in the run up to Donald Trump, it feels like the country knew this was happening. And then people on the coast were like, oh, that'll never happen. Trump could never have. It feels like there's a certain complacency now, as people relax. You know, they want to watch succession. They want to read what's happening. I want to watch succession. Yeah, no, but people enjoy themselves. But it seems like conservatives are being told constantly that they're under assault, that this is the end of the world. They need to run for school boards. And so they believe it and they do it. And so I'd love to know as somebody who's going to be on MSNBC, you're in a position where you have part of your audience, which is in a bubble. Many of us do. How do you even think it's possible at this stage to just pop out of that bubble? Is there a way you can see as Alex Wagner, as the journalist who's gone around the country talking to Trump supporters and, you know, Biden supporters are like, do you think this is a way you can get through to people who maybe don't agree with you? I'm going to damn well try. I mean, you can't just say we're only going to talk to, like, liberals. And this is for the Celicord, or, you know, like, this is, I'm a journalist. And you are going to hear from some Republicans sometimes. Sometimes they may be critical of Donald Trump. Sometimes they may not be. But I think it is my job to show people what's happening in the world and not just what they want to see. I mean, listen, the future of the Republican party matters not just to Republicans, but to Democrats and Independents too. If one of the two parties in this country is forever broken or populated by clowns or worse, like, we're not going to get anything done as a country. We are for better or worse in a marriage. And we got to figure out a way to make it work because we know what divorce kind of looks like. We tried it in 1860. And like, we can't. It didn't go so well. So you first episode is tomorrow. It is tomorrow. If you are on the show today, don't give anything away, because you obviously will tease them. But if you are on the show today, what would be the number one story you'll be talking about? Well, listen, I think for sure, we're going to be talking about Trump and Mar-a-Lago. And what exactly he was doing with those papers. And the degree to which this is part of a very serious investigation at the DOJ. But I don't think, I mean, the other thing that I want everyone to focus on is the fact that we have two significant primaries tomorrow happening, Liz Cheney and Sarah Palin. And what we very well could see this week is the exit of Liz Cheney, probably the standard bearer for integrity inside the GOP, be escorted off the stage, stage right. And for Sarah Palin, who in many ways is the proto-Trump re-entering American politics as a Republican congresswoman from Alaska. And I think as we take stock of where the country is at, we need to take stock of where the Republican party is at. And those two entrances and that entrance and exit tell us a lot about where we're headed in the GOP. And I think it's deeply problematic. And I think it warrants further investigation and analysis. This is why you're the best person to host a show because you know a lot. You travel a lot. You meet the people. And you don't get overwhelmed. You don't get overwhelmed. No, you don't get, thanks for that. I'll take it. But no, you don't get overwhelmed. Really, one thing I've always admired about you is the fact that you don't get overwhelmed by the delusion of information that's coming at you. Rather, you find a way to process all of it in one of the most fantastic ways that I've ever seen. Congratulations on the show. Thank you. Thank you for joining me again. We're all going to be watching. Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weekdights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central. And stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Bluffs. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast. Get your high school credentials, earn your associate degree, transfer to a four-year college or university, and fast track your career at Johnston Community College, close to home in Smithfield, Johnston CC is flexible and affordable. Financial aid is available for those who qualify. Don't wait for the change to come to you. Apply for free at JohnstonCC.edu today. Invest in yourself today and be the change. Plan ahead and apply early at JohnstonCC.edu.