Something Was Wrong

Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships.

S15 E7: [Emilia] You Just Need Me

S15 E7: [Emilia] You Just Need Me

Thu, 16 Mar 2023 07:00

*CW: Substance Use Disorder, drunk driving, suicidal ideation, coercive control, sexual assault, body dysmorphia, fat-shaming, disordered eating, emotional, physical, mental, medical and workplace abuse.

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Hey, Prime members, you can listen to something was wrong early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. Audible lets you enjoy all of your audio entertainment in one app. You'll always find the best of what you love or something new to discover. Audible offers an incredible selection of audiobooks across every genre. As an Audible member, you can choose one title a month to keep from their entire catalog. This month I selected, without conscience, the disturbing world of the psychopaths around us by Robert D. Hare. Members also get full access to a growing selection of included audiobooks, audio originals, and podcasts. You can download or stream your included titles all you want. The Audible app makes it easy to listen anytime, anywhere. New members can try Audible free for 30 days. Visit slash SWW or text SWW to 500 500. That's slash SWW or text SWW to 500 500. Thank you so much. Something was wrong is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as emotional, physical, and sexual violence. Content warnings for each episode and confidential and free resources for survivors can be found in the episode notes. Some survivor names have been changed for anonymity purposes. Soutanams are given to minors in these stories for their privacy and protection. Testimony shared by guests on this show is their own and does not necessarily reflect the views of myself, broken cycle media, or wondering. The podcast or any linked materials should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional expertise or treatment. All persons are considered innocent and less proven guilty in a court of law. Thank you so much for listening. You think you know me, you don't know me well, at all, at all, it comes from me. We don't know anybody until you do. Hi, my name is Amelia and I am 25 years old. I actually started listening to this podcast a couple of months ago and it made me realize everything that I had been going through and how toxic of a situation I was in. So I reached out because I figured someone else's story helped me so maybe my story could help someone else. I am in the southern part of the United States and I first met Chad in 2019. At this point, I am 23 years old and he is 46. I had just started a new job in the healthcare profession. I was working as a receptionist and he was a healthcare professional. He was working assisting in surgeries, working in the office, he patients. When I first started in this office, everybody would warn me about him. They were like, he's moody, he doesn't really talk to anyone, stay out of his way. I was like, okay, maybe I won't talk to him but I have a very outgoing personality. My parents say it's my biggest flaw, I try to be everybody's friend. I would see him around the office and I would stick to myself, say hello, just being polite. One day I'm sitting at my desk, we weren't really doing anything in the office. Just hanging out, I was eating some fried rice that I had left over from lunch. He walked up to me and he was like, what are you eating? I was like fried rice and he was like, well, that's all going to go straight to your ass. This is the very first thing that he said to me personally. I took it as a joke because I didn't know how else to take it so I kind of laughed. I was like, I hope so. I don't know what to say, I've always been very put to eat. I took it as a compliment. Always being so small, I was like, yeah, maybe I will get an ass. A little bit after that, we started talking around the office. He was being nice to me. I had a lot of questions about everything that he did as far as his job and what we did in the office. He was working in surgery and so I'd ask him questions about surgery. He would always compliment me. He was always like, you're so smart. You should go to school. You can do what I'm doing. You have it in you. That's how we became friends. During lunch, he would go by the office and he'd be writing notes. I'd sit there and I would kind of soak in everything that was going on. Ask him, what do you think about this nursing program or that nursing program? That's when we started talking in the office. Everybody thought it was weird because of how defensive he always is. He's always on the defense. Everyone's always out to get him or something. One of the nurses that I worked with in particular, she had a huge, huge crush on this man. She didn't like it. She thought it was weird. She would tell me not to talk to him, but he blew it off. A little bit later in 2020, I've been in the company for a couple of months and there was a work banquet that was coming up. The nurses had been invited because they were going to receive an award and everybody gets a plus one. They asked me if I would like to come get to know everyone a little bit better, hang out outside the office. He was also invited as a plus one. We would sit around and talk and he'd be like, well, I don't really want to go. I was like, well, I'm going and he was like, well, if you're going, I'll go. We can both go to it together. And I was like, yeah, okay. I'm asking about this banquet. They're like, it's catered. There's music. There's games. It's an open bar. You get little chips and you get two free drinks and then you pay for drinks after that. It sounds like a great time. I was talking to my coworkers and they said Chad is not supposed to drink. He cannot drink. I thought that was kind of weird. I was like, what do you mean he's not supposed to? They were really hush, hush about it. No one wanted to say anything. Later, he's sitting around and I walk up to him and I was like, hey, what's all of this about how you're not supposed to drink? And he's like, I can drink. I don't know what they're talking about. I just choose not to. They're just crazy. He put it on as everyone else being crazy. When we do get to the banquet, we were all just hanging out, sitting together and we were making jokes. Everyone's getting to know each other. I had a really, really good time. When we were back at the office, he would always go to my desk. At one point, he was like, hey, what are you doing this weekend? I was like, well, it's actually going to be my birthday. He was like, well, what are you doing? And I was like, I don't know. Probably drinks with some friends or something. I was dating someone else at the time. So I was not really thinking much of it. He's just being nice. People are just nice sometimes. This was actually going to be my 23rd birthday. So he was 46 and I was 22 when we first met. I gave him my phone number because he was like, if you end up doing anything, let me know. Maybe I can meet up with you all. And I was like, oh, yeah, for sure. I was telling my friends, I work with this really cool nurse and he wants to hang out and we can all get drinks and stuff. It was like, that's a little odd because of how old he is. But I was like, we're all adults now. What ended up happening was the guy I was dating at the time gave me an ultimatum and he was like, either you go out with your friends or you hang out with me, but I'm not going out with your friends. What I ended up doing was I got together with my two best friends and we did top golf. That's all we did. And so I ended up texting Chad. I was like, hey, we ended up not going out. I'm just going to hang out with my two friends and we're going to go golf and he was like, what a bummer. And I was like, yeah. And then he started getting weird. He would text me. We should have gone out for drinks instead. It could have just been you and me. I would have treated you to everything and he would start asking me sexual questions. He'd be like, have you ever been with an older man? I was like, no, I'm trying to be nice. He was like, well, I have all this experience and I like being a freaking bed. He's telling me I have such a big dick and I can do all of this stuff to you. I could treat you so much better than your boyfriend. I was like, okay, well, this is weird. So I would stop talking to him. He would text me later like, I am so sorry that I told you all of that stuff. You should delete those messages so your boyfriend doesn't see them. Don't tell anybody. And I was like, I already deleted them. It's fine. Just don't talk to me like that. Then he was nice. My relationship was going downhill really quickly and he was like, well, you should break up with him. You should just leave him. This was in March right before COVID. I broke up with my boyfriend and I had to move back to my parent's house. I had to buy a new car because I was commuting to work. I'm really excited. He texted me and he was like, hey, we should go out for a drink to celebrate. And I was like, okay, why not we can have a drink or two? This was actually our first time hanging out. Just me and him. We meet up at a restaurant. He already has a drink and he had ordered chips in case so we could sit around and talk. He is really drunk. I'm assuming he was drinking before. We actually met up. He was like, do you want to get out of here? I was like, yeah, sure, why not? He was like, okay, but you have to drive because I, Uber, I don't drink and drive. I was like, that's not a problem. Where are we going? Where do you live? And he was like, well, we actually can't go to my house. My son is there because he had a whole custody of his son who was about 16 at the time. He told me to pull into this shopping center. Only two blocks away from his house were in there and we're talking. He starts kissing me and like, kissing back. Panic confused. I was dealing with a lot at the time and I was like, maybe this is the way to go. Maybe this guy, he actually cares. He's been talking to me and he knows about what I'm going through. It's not long after we start making out, he tries to get me to give him head. We're in my car. It's uncomfortable and he can't get hard. He starts yelling at me. He's calling me a cat and he's saying everything's my fault. Being really, really rude. I start crying and he was like, just fucking take me home. And so I drove him home and he got out of my car, slammed the door and did not turn back around. I was calling him and texting him and I was like, are you okay? I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. He's just not responding. I was upset. Then the next day he was telling me, I'm so sorry. I lost my temper. I am not normally like that. I don't know what happened. And I was like, it's fine. Just don't do that. You have no reason to be calling me a cat or to be talking to me in that sort of way. He was like, no, you're right. I'm not going to do it again. Then he texts me, hey, I can't find my wallet. Turns out he had left it in my car. I guess it fell out of his pocket when he was trying to take his pants off. My dad actually ended up finding his wallet. My dad was like, why is there a grown man's wallet in your car? I was like, oh no, it's nothing like that. We're co-workers. We're out for a drink and his wallet must have fallen out of his pocket in my car when I was taking him home. They thought it was weird. My dad was like, sure, but don't hang out with this grown man. And I was like, yeah, no. Of course, later I told him my dad found your wallet and he was like, I'm sorry, I put you in the situation. After that, he would start calling me constantly. If I didn't answer, he would text me non-stop. He would be like, why aren't you picking up? Why aren't you texting me back? You're being a bitch. He would get mad and block my number. Then whenever he got up for work at five in the morning, he would unblock my number and he would start texting me. I'm so sorry, I'm having a hard time right now. At this point, I really liked him because when things were good, they were good and the bad things weren't happening as often. I was like, well, maybe he'll get over it. Whenever we did start talking a little bit more seriously, he did tell me we had to keep it private. He was like, no one can know because of what I do for a living. If people find out and we're working in the same office, you're going to get moved or I could lose my job. So we kept it private. I was like, that's fine. I wouldn't tell anyone as far as anyone at work was concerned. I'm like, he's nice to me because I stand up for myself and I don't let him be ugly to me. I'm going to relax. A little bit later was when I started noticing that he had some real issues, but I thought maybe I can help him work through this. I don't know what his past relationship was like. We can work through it together. In April, he made me download Tinder and create an account because he wanted to have a threesome. I was like, this isn't really for me. I don't do that. And he was like, come on. It'll be one time. You don't even have to do anything. I'll find the girl. I just need you to download Tinder. I was like, well, why don't you do it? And he was like, no, he didn't want anyone seeing him on there because of his job. I was like, all right, he logged in to my account off of his phone and he would get so mad. He would text me nonstop and he was like, you don't even like me. You're not even trying. You're not talking to all these girls. You're going to flake. And I was like, I have other things going on. I can't be on this app 24 7 trying to please you. He was really ugly to me. At this point, I was on a new antidepressant because I was struggling really bad with my depression and he's the one that had encouraged me to go to the doctor to get treatment. But the medication I was on at the time wasn't helping and it was actually making things worse. With that fight, I was feeling personally and everything that was going through. I had a panic attack because of how he was yelling at me. My brain was like, you're going to ruin this and he's not going to want to be with you anymore. My insurance only worked at the hospital that I was working at and I had to drive myself. When I got there, I was like, hi, I'm here because if I don't get help right now, I'm going to drive my car off of a bridge. I really need help. What happens at that point is they take you back, they take all your jewelry, they make you put on paper scrubs, they take your phone, they took everything from me. Since I didn't have my phone, I didn't have a way of telling him exactly what was going on. I had texted him. I'm not feeling well. I came to the ER and I told him what was going on. They ended up switching me to a hospital that has a 24, 7 overnight hole so they could monitor me and make sure that they adjusted my medications and that I was good to go the next day. He would call that hospital but they had a role that they don't release any information so he would call asking if I was there and they were like, well, we can't confirm or deny that. He would get so mad at those nurses too. They wrote down his number and they came up to me and they were like, this man keeps asking for you. We didn't confirm that you were here. That's going to be completely up to you. I was like, wow, he went through all of this trouble just to find me. Surely that means something. I called him and I was like, this is where I'm at, this is what happened. I think it's something with my medication. They're going to take me off of it. He was like, I don't know why you're in the hospital. You don't need to be in the hospital. You need to be with me and I can take care of you. That became something that he would always tell me. Anytime I was feeling sick or I felt like I needed professional medical help, he was like, no, no, you don't. You just need me. So it's really hard. All of my actual mental health diagnosis are major depression disorder, general anxiety disorder, bipolar type 2, and borderline personality disorder. The way that we came to that conclusion was whenever I started dating him, he encouraged me to go see a doctor just because I was so depressed. Later on, my primary doctor, she put me on all this medication and she was like, I think you have more than depression. I really think you're bipolar. She put me on a mood stabilizer, but also sent me out to a professional to go get a good scene. This professional, he was an older man. My first appointment, I show up and I'm talking to him. And he's like, are you sure it's not your period? That was really hard because no woman like being told, oh, you're emotional because of your period. I have to go see other doctors. I think a really big misconception is whenever people find out I'm bipolar or I do tell people I've gotten the whole. I think I'm bipolar too. I'm so happy and then I get frustrated. I'm happy one minute and I'm mad at the next and then I'm over it. That's normal emotions. People are allowed to get upset. It's understandable that you are upset and that something else happens and your mood is better. What people don't understand with bipolar disorder is that it really comes in waves and it lasts weeks. When I'm depressed, I'm not just sad for like a minute or two, I am sad for three weeks a month. I am crying. I can't get out of bed. I go days without wanting to shower, without wanting to eat. Bipolar type 2. You're more depressed and your manic episodes are more hypomania. I will go through weeks where I'm on this high. I'm working out. I'm eating right. I am switching jobs. I'm turning my life completely around and I can't follow through with it. That's a big misconception that people have about being bipolar. A lot of times they're like, you just need a set schedule for a year. You need to work out and you'll feel better. It's not that simple. My personality almost feels like it shifts into the personality of the person that I'm with. If I feel abandoned, that's when a lot of the... Depression kicks in. The suicidal thoughts kick in is because you have a really hard time being alone and being with yourself and being with your thoughts. Your brain is just telling you all this other stuff that isn't true but you don't know any better. I think understanding my diagnosis now makes me look back and realize part of it was that he was controlling but part of it was that I was so mentally ill that I couldn't think of him leaving me if he's gone. I have nothing. I had all these doctors that I would go see and I'd be on all these meds and he'd be like, no, that's not what's wrong with you. You're completely fine. It's all in your head. You just need me and you don't need to see anyone else because these doctors are all lying to you. It was really crazy to me how someone who was in the medical field, someone who studied all of this stuff would be like, no, you don't need to see them. He would try and get me to stop taking my medicine. I think that's really dangerous. He had to have no mit because at times he'd be like, no, you can't stop taking your medicine. You know what happens when you quit cold turkey? It's really dangerous and you could die and the other times he'd be like, where are you going to the doctor? You don't need to be there. You just need to be with me. A couple months go by and nothing really major would happen. I was fixing to get an apartment with some roommates and I was going to be moving to the same city that he was in and it was going to be closer to my job. It was like, that's going to be great. We're going to be able to hang out more often because we wouldn't necessarily hang out. He always had an excuse. It was either he was on call or he had his son or he was too tired. He was like, I'm always in bed by eight, I don't have time. The one thing he was always really, really pushy about was having sex all the time. That's all he really ever wanted to talk about. The first time we did have sex, he ended up renting a hotel room because he would rather spend the money on a hotel room than letting me go over to his house. That to him was just a big no. He was like, you're not going to come to my house. You cannot. I've told you time and time again. I was like, we've been dating for a couple months. What if I meet your son so it's not awkward whenever I'm at your house? He was like, no, I don't like anybody meeting my kids because I don't want people coming in and out of their lives. Anytime I would see him for like a weekend or anytime we would hang out, it was usually one night and it would be dinner but he was always drunk. He always got drunk every single night. I was used to it at that point. Talking to him one day, he was like, the reason I always have to uber around and the reason I can't drive is if I get pulled over drunk driving one more time, I can go to jail. I was like, you shouldn't be drunk driving regardless. Ubering is the best way to go. It turns out he had child endangerment, drunk driving because he had his kid with him. At one point he had actually gotten arrested. He was like, take me to the hospital. I want a blood test when they took him to the hospital. As soon as they left him alone, they didn't handcuff him for some reason. He ran away and so then cops had to go looking for him and then he had more charges added on as well as he was having to complete AA and anger management and all this stuff. But at that point I had been brainwashed into believing him and listening to everything he had to say. I was like, you poor thing, you just need help. No one's helping you the way that you need help. I can be here for you. I can help you. Really thinking that I was going to make a difference. I did move to my apartment, he refused to help. I was like, okay, I can move everything by myself until I did. I moved into my apartment and it was really great. But even then I would only see him at work and every two to three weeks on a weekend when he was not working. And that was him picking me up. We'd go out, have dinner, have some drinks and then he would drop me right back off at my apartment. Sometimes he would stay but most of the time he would just drop me off. He always had some excuse for why he couldn't stay. Whether it was he was tired or his son, unless it was something that was what he wanted to do. That was the only exception was if he wanted it. If I felt like I needed him to be there for me, he would be like, no, you're just being sensitive. You're being whiny and being a big baby. I just got used to it. I would really try and fit into his schedule but he never tried to fit into mine. In October of 2020, he was still very persistent on the threesome. I would have this breakdown and I'd be like, no, I'm not going to do it. And he'd be like, okay, well, I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do. And a little bit later he'd be like, hey, we need to do this. If you do this with me just one time, I'm not even asking for it to be a regular thing. Just one time and we'll be done and I will give you whatever you want. He was like, I will marry you. You don't have to work anymore. You can be a stay at home mom. It's just one time. We went through the whole thing again, re-downloaded, Tinder and he actually found someone. I was like, okay, so we did end up having a threesome with some random girl that he found online. I did not really want to do it but at that point I was like, well, we're already here. It's just one time. It can't be that bad. We had some drinks and the girl she ended up leaving early in the morning. Me and him are hanging out. We went and had a cup of coffee. He had gotten his new car and he was like, you're so perfect. Once you finish nursing school, you're going to do so good and we're going to be together. And that's what he would do is he would sell it to me like, we're going to do this. Every two years he has to renew his license. And so he starts spiraling. He is drinking non-stop. He is telling me that he's going to lose his job. He's going to lose his license. He was like, you're not going to be with me anymore. I'm going to go to jail. And I was like, no, it's going to be okay. We can do this together. I'm here to help you. I was like, they haven't taken your license away yet. I mean, think about it. They could have taken it away from you last time you got arrested. And they didn't. Odds of that happening are really, really slim. He was like, no, you don't understand. He would drink like 60 beers in a two day period. If he didn't want to uber or he couldn't drive because he was too drunk, he would walk a mile or two to a gas station and walk back with his beer. Little bit later, it's one of our co-workers birthday. She was the only person that knew we were dating at the time. She invited me and him to her birthday party, which we were going to go out to a couple bars, have a couple drinks, eat or whatever. I ubered because we're going to be drinking. I'm not going to drive. I'm there with her family and her friends. When he shows up about two hours late, everybody keeps saying, you say you have this boyfriend and you keep saying he's going to come, where is he? And I was texting him and he was like, I'm almost there. I'm getting ready. I'm doing this. I'm doing that. When he finally does show up, he is already drunk. Like off his ass, just start spending money. We're all having shots. We're all drinking. From there we go to another bar. And we have even more drinks. Our office manager shows up and he sees that we're together. He was like, all I'm going to say is I didn't see anything. I don't know anything. But if y'all get caught in the office or something goes down at work, I am throwing y'all under the bus. He was like, I'm not risking my job for whatever y'all are doing. I'm around December. He's back on his three-some-rat. He was on me and he had some girl at me and him on Snapchat. And I was like, I don't want to do this. I don't want to talk to this girl. I don't want anything to do with this. One night I get a message from this girl on Snapchat. And I was like, that's weird. I open the message and she's like, hey, I really need to tell you something. Girl to girl. I had sex with your boyfriend. And I was like, what? She sent me all these screenshots of him talking to her and her giving him the address and her phone number and all this stuff. She was like, we had sex and he left. He told me that it was okay with you that he had talked to you about it. And it was fine, delivering open relationship. I call him and I call him and he's not picking up. And I have all these screenshots and so I sent them to him and I was like, what is this? What's all of this about? And he finally calls me back and he was like, I was in bed. I don't have time for this. What are you talking about? And I was like, you cheated on me. You went out and cheated on me. And he was like, no, I didn't. I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know how she's doing that. She made those herself. She's photoshopping them or something. And I was like, you can't be serious. I'm not that stupid. I know what's going on. I am heartbroken. I am crying and I'm like, this can't be happening. He's like, we can't let her ruin all the good stuff that we have going on. He had been telling me all about how he wanted to marry me and about how I was the only girl for him. He's drilling it in my brain. He's like, don't believe it. Don't talk to her. Block her. I'm going to block her. And you can forget the whole thing. Delete Tinder. We're going to work on us. At first, I couldn't even stand to look at him. I would see him at work and I would almost burst into tears because I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. And he was like, no, come on. Just give me another chance and we'll work through it. He very much uses his money to try and get what he wants. Because anytime we'd be fighting or something, he could be like, let's take a trip. Let's plan a trip and we would plan all these trips, but we would never actually go anywhere. Or he'd be like, what do I need to do to help you? What do I need to do to make you feel better? And I was like, okay, I'm not going to give up on us. We've been together nine months. Let's keep going. Let's see where it goes. I end up forgiving him, which sounds really dumb now, but I was like, all right, let's do this. After Christmas, in January, he decides to go sober. So January of 2021 wasn't bad. He was being really nice. And I was like, okay, maybe this is it. Maybe this is what it's going to be like from here on out. We were talking about it and he was like, I just like who I am better when I'm so angry. I like how I treat you. I like how I treat my son. It's better that way. And I was like, good, you should do that. You should be sober then. And he was like, yeah, but I have one more experiment to try. Since I was sober every day in January, I'm going to get drunk every day in February. I was like, you're going to do what? He was like, I was sober every day. So now I get to be drunk every day. And I was like, I don't know where that logic fits. Sure enough, February comes and he is drinking again, constantly. At one point, I had gone over to his house just to talk and it turns out he had been drinking. He made me drive him to work because he had gotten called in. There was an emergency surgery and he had to go. He got coffee. He had gum in the car and he was like, drive me to the hospital, drop me off and I'll call you whenever I'm done with surgery. He went and performed surgery while he had been drinking and then he had me pick him back up and take him home. This was probably the second or third time that he had made me either take him or go with him and pretend to be a nursing student because he didn't want doctors to stop and talk to him when he was drunk at work. One day, we had been at the hospital. It was after work and he made me put on some scrubs and he was like, all right, you're just going to follow him around. He had a patient he was supposed to go see to do some sort of consultation. He went into the patient room and explained the whole thing and he was looking through the patient's chart and he was like, well, I'm not too sure why they made me come talk to you. I'm not seeing anything here, but I'm going to go talk to the doctor and we're going to figure it out. After walking down the hall, trying to get back to the car and that doctor stopped us in the hallway and he was like, did you go see my patient? And he was like, yeah, I didn't see anything on there though. And it turns out that he had gone to the wrong patient's room and mixed up the information, mixed up the rooms. He was talking to the wrong patient about a procedure that he didn't need done. He went and he fixed it and he was like, well, I'm glad we had a patient. We got it straightened out. I looked at him and I was like, you're lucky that's the doctor that saw us because it fit ahead of him. The other doctor, he would have recognized me and he probably would have been confused as to why you have me going around pretending to be a nursing student. All of these documents that he has to sign, they can bring out in court. You're signing all these legal documents, all these confidential documents while you're drunk. But only that, he's breaking HIPAA by having someone else come in and read over the documents and make sure that they're okay. There's no reason that he should have been making me read all these documents with him and make sure that everything was okay. You can't show up to work under the influence at any job. Do you think anyone at work suspected that he was ever operating or working under the influence? I don't think so. The reason is because a lot of the nurses don't like him and I think if they had that suspicion, they would have said something because they don't want to work with him at all, especially with it being COVID, everybody would have to wear a mask. So he'd stop by Starbucks, get himself a coffee and drink coffee and chew gum and wore a mask. He would always be like, do I look drawn? Do I smell like alcohol? There was times that he would wake me up in the morning and be like, hey, smell my breath and how it was like, dude, it's five in the morning. He was like, do I smell like alcohol and I was like, no, can I go back to sleep? But he would sometimes even use his little breath analyzer in his restroom to make sure he was at two drunk to go to work. A lot of the times, if he was really drunk and doing something work related, it was from home. He would be drinking and writing his notes, which is wild to me. One day he woke me up. He made me drive him to the hospital. I had to call into work and I went with him. The first unit we stopped at, he let me follow him through. And then the second unit we went to was the cardiac unit and for that one, he was like, all right, I need you to wait in the hallway. You can't follow me in here. But then after this we're done. And so I would wait in the hallway. It was like five in the morning. I was so tired. After that, we went back to his house and his son. And that's the thing, like, he was very picky about when I could be there with his son there. He was a senior in high school. We got back to the house and he was like, okay, go to sleep, call into work and we'll just hang out today. So I texted the manager. I was like, hey, I'm not feeling good, which was true. I was feeling kind of sick. I'm not going to go to work today and he was like, all right, we'll bring you back about. There's no. So I went back to sleep and he woke me up sometime around seven. Again, he is drunk off of crown. At seven a.m., he was drinking hard liquor. And I was like, what are you doing? And he was like, hey, I need you to come upstairs with me because you had a little office upstairs. He was like, I need you to look over these notes and make sure I submit them perfectly. So I would have to do that. He'd be like, there's anything to look at me and spell. This is what I'm trying to say. Do you see that? And I was like, yeah, yeah, it looks fine. Then his son's alarm went off because he had to go to school. And when his son's alarm went off, he was like, he's going to get ready for school on leave and then we can hang out. His son gets ready. He leaves. And this day was crazy. It was just wild from beginning to end for our first Valentine's. We had made plans. We were going to go out to dinner. I got ready. I'm really excited. I had never had a real Valentine's before. So I was really excited. I was like, this is my first one. Maybe he'll get me flowers. So I get ready and I'm texting him. And then all of a sudden, he just stops responding. I already know what this means. I was like, he's going silent. He's going to blow me off. And it's not until 10 o'clock at night. He called me and he was like, hey, I'm really sorry. I got too drunk and I didn't want to do anything. But I just have to call to tell you that I bought us a house. I want you to move in with me and I need you to help me decorate it and it can be our house. And after I'm all moved in, you can meet my son and we can all hang out and be like this big happy family. I was like, are you serious? He sends me a screenshot of this half a million dollar house. It is huge. He was like, this is it. Later, you can come by and we can see it. So I was really excited. I was like, he bought me a house. I wanted flowers. This man shows up with a house. All right. It's going to be great. Things are going to change. He's telling me all this stuff that he wants to get done and he's like, what do you think we can do in this room? I was thinking about this and I was like, you really want my opinion. That became our new topic that was not going to really start any fights. He would send me stuff that he liked for the house or I'd be like, what about this? I'm think we're relatively calm for a while. Sometimes after work, I'd be like, can we talk? You know, I had a really rough day. I need to be like, yeah, come on over. I'd go over and we'd be sitting in his kitchen. He would take his pants off and he'd be like, come on, just suck it a little bit. I was like, dude, I am literally sitting here crying about how shitty of a day I had a patient of mine died and you want me to sit here and make you feel better. I would have to tell him, don't touch me. Keep your hands to yourself. I don't want to do this. I literally just came to talk. If you're going to be like this, I'm going to leave. And you'd feel like, okay, okay, I'll stop anytime I would go over. He'd be like, take off all your clothes before you get into bed. I was not allowed to wear anything and sometimes I'd be like, well, I'm on my period and he'd be like, I don't care. I'll wash the sheets, just take off all your clothes. The reason he wanted me to do that was because he would be like, I have every right to want to touch you whenever I want what's wrong with me wanting to be with you at all times. It wasn't until later that I really processed everything and how wrong that was. I know now that I should have never put up with it. It was really hard being in that situation where I was being assaulted pretty much every night that I was staying with him. March comes around and it's my birthday. I told him, I want to go out for a nice dinner. I want to get dressed up and I want to have a good time. He was like, okay, that sounds good. Be ready by this time. The restaurant I wanted to go to was reservations only and he ended up not making the reservations so we ended up not being able to go there. I had texted my friend the one that we had gone out for her birthday and she was like, hey, I'm actually with my family. We're going bowling. Why don't you come out with us? It'll be fun. And I was like, all right, we're having some drinks hanging out. And he texts me and he shows up and everybody knows him and it's a really good time. We're bowling, we're hanging out, we're laughing. After that, she was like, hey, we're going to a friend's house. If you'll want to come with us and I was like, yeah, sure. We have no other plans at this point. Why not? So we go to her friend's house. Me and him are sitting down at the dinner table with a couple other people and he's scrolling through his phone. I turned to look at him and he's going through his email. I catch that he had an email from Bumble and it was under a different name. So it was under something like Ben. I looked at his phone and I looked at him and I was like, are you serious? He was like, what are you talking about? And I was like, I saw that email. You're on Bumble. He was like, no, I'm not. I don't know what you're talking about. He got really mad. He left and then Uber. I went after him. I end up following him to his house and that's the first time I actually stayed at his house. It was because we had been fighting and he didn't want to deal with it. So he just went to sleep. The next day I was like, can we talk about this? And he was like, no, I don't know what you're talking about. I was like, I saw it on your phone and he was completely in an aisle. I'm trying to break up with him and he's like, no, we can work through this. It's not like that later when I do look through his phone. Turns out that he had actually been cheating on me the whole time. From the beginning of our relationship up until now with your later, he had been talking to other women. He had been not just talking to them on there. He had added people on Snapchat. He had texted people. He was looking at flights to go hang out with these other women. He is probably talking to 15 to 20 women at any given point and he's telling all these women the same thing. I also later find out that I guess he had been blocked from getting on Tinder, which is why he refused to download it or create his own account. But he had a second phone that he was paying for that he would use specifically for like Tinder and Bumble and Hinge and all these dating apps. He was on every kind of dating app he could be on. Talking to all these women, offering the money, offering them a relationship, telling them that he wants something stable. He just needs someone to be there for him. I was like, you can't be serious. This can't be happening. He denies it. How does this man do it? How does he have it in him to have a whole in-person relationship and have like 10 relationships that are virtual? Where do you fit it in your head to do all of this stuff? He would be like, it's because you don't get it. My mom would beat me as a kid. I was like, it can't possibly make sense to you. But he was the victim in all of this. He'd be like, it's because you're going to leave me and everybody always leaves me. I was like, I literally haven't left you yet and you cheated on me. What makes you think that I'm going to leave? And he was like, well, that's just how it is. Later on, I realized that he's talking to other girls that work in the hospital because he thinks he's this big shot surgeon. He thinks he's the shit pretty much and that everybody's going to love him. But they can replace a receptionist, no problem. They can't necessarily replace someone who knows all of this about surgery. And at this point, he had been working in that office for like 10 to 13 years. I think he was really comfortable with where he was. I think he knew they weren't going to do anything to him unless they had a reason to. Looking back now, I'm like, holy shit. This man is a psychopath. I don't know how people have the time to keep up with 30 different relationships, but he sure did. I did confront him. I was like, you have these messages. You can't say that that's not you. He's trying to gaslight me or switch the roles and he's like, I have no idea what you're talking about, dude. I don't even know those women. I wasn't actually going to do it. And I was like, so you would look at flights to go visit women, but you weren't actually going to go visit them. Everything is such a blur in my mind. I remember things happening, but I don't always remember the order they happened in. But at that point, I was like, I'm not going to do this. I shouldn't have to do this. I should be put first. You're always trying to accuse me of things, but you're doing all this stuff to me. He's trying to play it off. He's saying that the extra phone he has is from when his phone had messed up and he had just gone to Walmart to have a phone for the next couple of days. I was like, that's bullshit because when your phone messed up, you went and got a new one right away because you texted me that same day that you had a new phone off of your same number. You can't really believe that I'm going to believe all this stuff. You literally only have dating apps on this phone. You can't be serious. He was really manipulative after all the stuff came out with him being on all of these dating apps. We are still trying to work things out. Then in April of 2021, he starts pressuring me into three sums, but with his friends. He wanted him and another guy. And then later, he's like, we can get as many guys here. They want 10 guys and I was like, no, I don't even want one other guy. But once again, I am being a people pleaser and I'm really trying to make this work with him. He had sent me the snapchat of this guy that he worked with that he knew at the hospital. He was like, talk to this guy and plan out the whole thing, the whole threesome and we'll be fine. I was like, I really don't want to, but with how manipulative he was, I was like, well, if this is the only way to work things out, I'm going to try. So I start texting his friend and we're talking and his friends like, the only way I'll do it is if I can have you first without chat. I was like, I don't want to do that. Then I'm texting chat and I'm like, this is what your friend said. This is the only way he will make it happen. And he was like, well, do whatever you have to do to make it happen, just make it happen. I don't care what you do. I text his friend and I was like, hey, well, maybe we can hang out and talk. His friend was like, yeah, come over and we'll see what happens. I asked him, well, what's your address? He sends it to me, but it's actually the wrong address. He gave me like some random address and I'm calling this guy and I was like, what's going on? Where are you? He then text chat and he's like, I can't hurt a come over. Then chat's calling me and he's like, you're a whore. I can't believe you would actually do that. You showed up. You're actually going to hook up with him and I was like, you're the one that is pushing for this to happen. You told me to do whatever I have to do to make it happen. So why are you throwing this on me? I show up to chat's house. I'm really upset and I'm knocking on the door and I'm trying to get him to answer so he can talk. At this point, he's like, I need you to leave or I'm going to call the cops on you. I left and we were fighting after that. That was when we really officially broke up was April of 2021. But we were still working together and so it was really hard because I would still see him and then he'd text me and he would want to get back together. Then he'd be like, actually no, I don't want to. We had kind of gotten into this habit in the office. He had a clinic with his doctor on Wednesdays and so anytime we had a clinic, we had this habit where I would get coffee for the office every Wednesday. The nurses would give me money sometimes and I'd pay for it sometimes. But I would always get him a coffee too. Even after we broke up, I didn't want to make it seem like there was something wrong. So I'd still get him his coffee and I would just set it at his desk and walk away and it would just be their waiting for him whenever he got to work. But it was really hard still having to see someone every day. I was so in love with him at this point. I was infatuated. Part of that problem with me being bipolar and having borderline personality disorder, I have all these attachment issues and I'm like, you can't leave me. I got to the point where I would do anything I could to try and make it work for a while. He would be like, maybe we can have an open relationship. But then I would step back and be like, no, I don't want to do that. I meet a whole new group of friends. I don't really talk to him in the summer. I'm hanging out with my friends doing my own thing, having a great time, but still working with him. Then in about end of July, beginning of August, 2021, he's like, we should try and get back together. That was like, the only way that's going to work is if I'm not going to be a secret anymore. If we're going to be together, we're going to do it right. You're not going to keep me a secret anymore. You're not going to hide me because that's ridiculous. We're grown. There's no reason for me to be acting like that. I really wanted this to work with him. So I left the office and started working somewhere else. And it was like that for a while. He didn't necessarily change. He would change for a week. We're going to make this work, I promise. But then it was straight back to ignoring me. I wouldn't hear from him for days. And anytime I tried to move on, he would be like, no, don't do that because I really want to be with you. We can get married. I'm not the best version of myself yet, but I want to be for you. That was something he always told me was, I am going to get better for you because you deserve better. He was like you deserve the world and I want to be the one to give it to you. About September, I wasn't really talking to him. I was planning on going out with some friends and we are all going to go clubbing. One of the girls that was there, she had her phone out and she was telling me about this guy. I saw his number on the top of her phone and I was like, I know that number. That number is the one number that is engraved in my mind. To this day, I don't have anyone else's phone numbers memorized except for his and so I saw that. And I was like, is that Chad? And she was like, I call him sugar daddy. I hook up with him and he gives me money. He gave me like $500. And I was like, are you serious? She was showing me all these messages. I texted him and I was like, I know about this girl. He was trying to deny it and I was like, you can't deny it. I saw the messages. I know you have her on Snapchat because I've seen it before. He was like, I only gave her that money because she's so hot and she deserved it. She was going through a hard time and so I gave it to her. I was like, you're going to give some random girl you met all this money. He'd be like, well, she's my time. She has big tits. That's what I like. He would always tell me about how I wasn't the typical person he would go for in dating. I was like, then why are you with me? You don't even like my body. You're constantly shaming me for it. You're telling me all this other stuff. He would send me pictures of girls he would hook up with and he'd be like, look at how hot she is. She's so much better looking than you. All this really, really messed up stuff that really takes a toll on you psychologically because to this day, I struggle really hard with body dysmorphia with how I look. I actually ended up dying my hair half of it blonde because I was wanting to be this person that he wanted to be with. I was like, I will do literally anything for him. I had gained some weight because of a medication I was on. He was like, you look big. You're getting chunky and so I was working now and not eating, trying to change who I was for him, but it wasn't doing anything. And I realized now there's no reason that I should have done all that stuff because I deserved to feel comfortable in my own skin, but he really made me hate it. That was really when I drew a line and I didn't talk to him. I would see him around sometimes, but I didn't want anything to do with him. I would block his number and he would call me on like star 69 and it would show up as a known caller ID on my phone and he would call me six times and he would leave me voicemails. He was blowing up my phone and I was like, please leave me alone. He wouldn't do it. He would always call me. He'd be like, please, I really need you right now. You don't understand. I can't do this without you and he would do anything he could to try and get me back. Sometimes I would talk to him or I would go see him, but I was like, I don't want to do this. I can't keep doing this anymore. At one point he had offered me money. He was like, if you get back with me, I will pay for all of your school. You won't have to worry about school at all. I will pay for it. What you have to do is go to school and work part time. At one point I was talking to a nurse that I was working with and she looked at me and she was like, that is the worst thing you could ever do. I know it sounds easy. It sounds like something doable, but you don't want someone to have that power over you. You don't want them to be able to hold that over your head. I was like, no, you're right. I don't want that. I don't want to owe him anything. I didn't do it. I started smoking and drinking a lot towards the summer of 2021. I was doing acid. I was wilding out because I didn't know how to cope with it. I was kind of trying to deal with it in my own way, but I knew it wasn't the way to deal with it. It wasn't until later one of my friends passed away and I had a breakdown network. We actually got free counseling, free therapy through the hospital. They sent me home and they were like, we're going to set up an appointment for you and you have to do mandatory therapy. That's when I started dealing with it a little bit more and I started trying to work through it, but that wasn't until the beginning of 2022. For all of 2021, I was really miserable. I was constantly clubbing. Every weekend I was out with my friends. I was drinking and doing drugs because that's all I knew how to do. It's not until 2022 that I start going to therapy and process everything that happened and starting to push him away and even then it was really hard. My therapist was like, this is a trauma bond. It's going to be very hard for you to break it and it is going to hurt. You are going to cry but you have to get through it because if not, he's going to hold you back. The really big thing was, all right, let's push through it. Beginning of 2022, I had really limited my communication with him. I was living still in the city but I had moved apartments. He didn't know where I lived anymore but he was always trying to talk to me and see me. He was in one night he called me and he's telling me all this stuff about how he needed me to be there with him. It's like midnight one in the morning. He's like, I need you to come over. I need you to be here because if you're not, I'm going to kill myself. I'm spiraling and I need you here. I need you here now and I'm panicking. I was like, okay, I've been in that situation before and I wanted someone to be there for me so I would understand why he wanted someone. I felt special that I was the person he would always call. I was always his person. He would always tell me, you've never left me. It's always been you. You've always been there for me and I'm sorry I did all of this to you. My friend knew who was calling me and he was like, don't go. Trust me, don't go because it's not going to end well for you. I was like, no, I'll be fine. He really just needs someone there for him right now. It's going to be okay. I got there and it was like two o'clock in the morning and he was like, I'll leave the front door open for you. Just come on in. So I got there and we went to bed pretty much. He ignored the fact that I even got there the next morning we're sitting around and he's telling me about how he had been dating another woman that worked in the hospital she worked in the operating room but in a different area. I had no idea who this woman was. She starts telling me about how much he loves her and how he messed up. He was like, you know how I get hit. She made me mad because she wasn't ready on time. I gave her the silent treatment and she broke up with me. Why am I here? You called me here so you could cry about this other girl that you are supposedly in love with. She starts comparing me to her but he was like, you're the one that's always here. You always come back for me. You're the only one that I need. At this point I had already been in this depressive episode and so hearing him say all of this stuff to me, it did something to my brain and I snapped and it made me feel even worse. He would tell me, I'm going through all this stuff at work. You have to see that he could even keep working at the hospital. He was like, if I don't get my privileges, I'm going to shoot myself in the middle of the street. I'm going to shoot my brains out. That would be like, you should get help for that. He was like, no, that's dumb. You don't need to be on medication. I was on an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer because I'm bipolar and he would be like, no, that's stupid. They're pumping you with all this medicine and I'm not going to let them do that to me. So he's just drinking and he is on this tangent talking about suicide with a person who is suicidal. It really triggered something in my brain. I told him, you know what? I have to go home. I have to go take care of some stuff but I'll be back. And he was like, are you sure? Are you serious? Please don't go. I convinced him that I was going to come back and he was like, okay. And so I left crying, heartbroken, feeling abandoned pretty much at this point. This day was my best friend's birthday and he was telling me that they were going to drive up to the city to go eat. He was like, it'll make you feel better, I promise. And I was like, I don't want to go. I kept telling him, I'm not going. I don't want to go. I'm in this horrible mood. I'm just going to bring everyone down. I left Chad's house. He lives really close to a Walmart so I pull up to the store and I buy Vinodrill and Razer's and I leave at home. I had some Xanix and I had about all this Vinodrill. I start taking everything. I'm talking Vinodrill by the handful. I probably took two or three handfuls and I had taken some Xanix. I was in the shower and I had to cut myself with these Razer blades. I had written a note to my friend because he was like, I'm going to show up to your house regardless. I'm going to show up and you're going to be ready and you're going to go eat with us. And I was like, no, I'm not. But I had left my door unlocked. Sure enough, my friend shows up by the time he walks in. I am fading out of consciousness. I'm feeling really sick. He looks at me and he was like, what did you do? And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. Leave me alone. He was like, no, what did you do? I can see it in your face. You did something. He starts looking around the room and he sees the bottle of Vinodrill and he sees the note and he goes into the restroom and he sees everything's a mess. He looks at me and he's like, you're going to throw up whatever you took. What did you take? He has to carry me because I can't really walk. He's shoving fingers down my throat, making me throw up. I was wrapped up in a towel. I wasn't even wearing clothes. He's going through the closet and he finds some clothes and he has to put it on me. He calls his friends because they had all carpooled and he was like, you guys go to the restaurant. I have something to take care of here and I'll just meet y'all there. And so as soon as he puts clothes on me, that's the last thing I remember. He says I was still conscious but he had to carry me because at this point, I can't walk luckily where I lived, the hospital. It was down the street. I could open my front door and see the hospital. So he drives me over there and he said I had a seizure on the way to the hospital. He's trying to carry me into what was an urgent care because he didn't know what to do. And so from there, they call an ambulance to take me to the other side of the hospital where the ER was. They start intubating and they're pumping my stomach. My best friend's having to call my family and tell them where I am and what's going on. The next day, I wake up and I'm in the hospital. I'm intubated and I am crying and fighting. I remember being in and out of consciousness that morning where I was trying to fight the intubation. But I had my hands restrained. The nurses came in and they were trying to talk to me and they were like, if you want us to take this tube out, we have to change the settings on the ventilators. We're going to turn it off and you're going to breathe on your own. And if you can breathe on your own for an hour, then we'll take it out. I remember hearing that and I remember fighting to breathe. And next thing I know, I was unconscious again. They came back in and I don't remember ever seeing them. I just remember hearing them and they were like, the ventilators breathing for you again. We can't take it out just yet. You're not strong enough yet. That's how that home morning went until I finally woke up looking around the room. I was panicked. My mom was there with me. Luckily, they gave me a whiteboard. I could write on it if I needed anything. But they were like, we can't unresturing you and we can't take the tubes out yet. I'm sorry, you have to wait like this. I was like that for a while before I got the whiteboard and I wrote that I was going to throw up. And so they hurried up and they had to take all the tubes out so I don't choke on my throw up. They unrestrained me. I just remember that first gas book air and finally feeling like I could breathe. And just kind of asleep this whole day. I don't really talk to anybody. I had family and friends come to visit me, but I was asleep from the most part. I didn't talk to anybody. It was really, really hard for me and then to see my friends and my family looking at me that way. I do not like anyone seeing me when I'm having a hard time. Usually as soon as I start getting depressed, I will go into hiding because I don't like other people seeing me struggle. Finally, Monday rolls around and in the morning, I checked my phone. I had seen that. Chad had been calling me and he had been texting me. He was like, where are you? What happened? I'm really worried. Why aren't you calling me? I told him I'm in the hospital. This is what happened. They're not letting me leave. And he was like, if you don't need to be there, you have no reason to be there. If you're with me, you'll feel better. Like you just need to come home. That was his thing is that he would call his house home. He'd be like, come home and you're going to be fine. And I was like, no, I'm really not. You don't realize I am not okay. He never bothered to actually go and check on me himself. Instead, he texted the doctor that he was working for and was like, this is what happened to her. Can you go check on her? Because that doctor and me, we got along really well. Like he would always ask me how's doing mentally and physically. He always made sure that I was okay. At this point, he goes and he checks on me for him. He tells him that I'm okay. I'm awake and we kind of leave it at that. After a couple of days, I end up going home. My parents actually took me to Mexico for a week because they thought the change in air, the change in scenery would help. But did and it was really nice to get out. I was feeling better. Once I got out of the hospital, he made me turn on my location so he could see where I was at all times, which was something that he did when we were dating. He would constantly check my location because he wanted to make sure I wasn't lying to him about where I was. When I was on my way back from Mexico, he would text me and he'd be like, oh, you're almost so, or he'd be like, what are you doing? I had to be like, I'm in the car. You can see that a couple months later. I remember I was talking to him. He was like, you know, I love you and I want to be with you because I flew in from California to see you. I was on vacation with the girl I was dating and I left her there and I told her that I had to come back because I had a friend who really needed to see me. I looked at him and I was like, you're lying and he was like, no, I'm not. I left her to come see you. I was like, no, you didn't. Not once went to the hospital to see me and not only that, you were never out of the state. I was at your house that day. What do you mean you left the state because I had a mental breakdown and ended up in the hospital. He was like, at one point I left California to come by and check on you and I was like, well, I don't think you ever did that. So I don't know what you're trying to tell me. He was just a really big liar. That's when I really started opening my eyes and I was like, no, you did not do that. You do not get to come in here and tell me that that's what you did for me. Once I got back, things were starting to get better or I thought they were in April. He was being really nice to me and he was like, come over and stay over with me. So I had gone to his house and spent the night in the morning. I got up and I couldn't find my phone and I went to the living room and I see that he has my phone. That's weird. What are you doing with my phone? He kind of made up an excuse, but I didn't really want to cause an argument and I didn't think he was doing anything with my phone. So I was like, okay, whatever. He's probably just looking through it, but I had nothing to hide. He was like, I'm in a really good mood. You should get ready and let's go out to eat and we can go have brunch. I get ready and I grab my car keys. I just need to grab my license so I can have my idea on me because we're probably going to be drinking since it's brunch. I was fixing a walk out the front door because my car was always parked in the front and he was like, where are you going? I was like to my car and he was like, oh, yeah, your car is in the back. I moved it. I went to Starbucks this morning. I don't really feel like arguing and so I was like, well, let's grab an Uber. He was like, no, if we're going to Uber over there, you're going to pay for it, which was really weird to me that he didn't want to Uber. He was like, we're going to take my car. Well, I don't really want to drive, but sure, if we're going to go, we'll go in your car. We get in his car, we go to brunch. We're having a great time when we're finally coming back to the house. The garage is in the back of the house and you have to go down the alley. He has a really big car and so I was like, I don't think I can turn into the garage, especially with my car here. It's going to be a really tight space and I'm not used to driving a big car. He was like, no, you're fine. Just go. I stopped and I was like, no, I don't want to turn into your driveway. I'm going to hit your car or I'm going to hit my car and he's just yelling at me. Just drive. Go, go, go. I turn and I'm going. And I actually end up scraping the back end of his car against his fence. It was pretty bad. He ended up having to go get that part fixed and it cost him a couple thousand dollars to get it replaced. He was really mad. He was like, I can't believe you did that. You messed up my car. You messed up my fence. I don't know how I'm going to explain this to people. I was like, in all fairness, I told you I didn't want to drive and you made me go. I told you to park the car yourself and you said no. So he was like, you know what, you gotta find your right. He didn't really want to pick a fight. We go throughout the whole day hanging out or just at the house. All of a sudden I start getting these weird text messages from my friends and they're asking if I'm okay. And I was like, yeah, what's going on? And then I get a phone call from a random number. I have no idea who's calling me. I pick up and it's my best friend's boyfriend. And he is yelling at me and he's like, you can't be friends with her anymore. I don't want you anywhere near her. I don't want you anywhere near me. You better delete her phone number and you can't contact us. I was like, what are you talking about? And he's like, I saw the messages. I saw what you were doing. I can't believe you would push her up and I was so confused. And I was like, I would never do anything to make her upset. I have no idea what you're talking about. She's literally not just my best friend. She's my goddaughter. I would never do anything to put her in an uncomfortable position. He's like, I saw the messages. You were asking her for a threesome. I was like, what are you talking about? He just hangs up. And so I turn and I look at Chad and I'm like, what was that about? What did you do? Me and him start arguing and he was like, I didn't do anything. I promise. I don't know what you're talking about. Turns out that morning he was texting everybody who he somewhat knew. He was texting her asking her for threesome sending news of himself being really pushy. That was a big, big argument. He actually also texted one of my guy best friends asking him to send pictures of himself. He was like send me dick pics. I'm so horny to try and see what his reaction was going to be. And then he was texting my little sister pretending to be me talking about what he's think. If I get back together with Chad and my little sister was like, no, he's old and I hate him. Don't do this to yourself. It was just really confusing because he had gone and he had deleted all of the messages from my phone so I couldn't see them. He had texted another guy that I had pated briefly and he was being really ugly to him. Those messages, I actually don't know what they said. I never read them. I just knew he texted him because I saw it on my watch and I was like, I haven't texted this guy recently. Why is he in my watch messages? And I didn't have it in me to look at those messages and so I deleted them. I later texted him and I apologized. I was like, hey, that wasn't me. I'm really sorry that you got those messages. Someone took my phone and they sent them to you. He was like, no, it's okay. I knew it couldn't have been you because you don't talk like that and you're just not that kind of person. That same day I found all of this out. He had also texted a girl that I was friends with and he had asked her for a threesome. She had agreed and she wasn't going to go to the house later that night and I told him I was like, she's not coming. I'm not doing this with you. I'm not doing this with her. We're not going to have this argument. Why would you even think that's okay? And he was like, come on. Just this one time and it'll be fine. We can get it over with. And I was like, no, it's never just one time. We're fighting. He has my phone and he's not letting me leave. I was like, I need to go. You can't keep me here. We're screaming and keep in mind he lives in a suburb full of people who I am surprised. None of them called the cops because when my friend pulled up, she said that she just heard screaming. She heard yelling coming from the house. She is knocking on the door and I'm trying to run out. If I managed to get my phone back from him, he would take my keys. He had my glasses. He had my shoes. He had something to keep me from leaving at all points. But one point, I grabbed my keys. I walked out of the house and she's there not knowing what to do and she was like, I really just stayed because I wanted to make sure that you were okay. I stormed out of the house and I had my keys and I turned around looking back to see if he was coming after me and I'm walking around the front of my car and I cut my leg against my license plate. Part of it was sticking out and so I had this big old gash on my thigh and I couldn't leave because I can't drive. It's nighttime. He has my glasses. I cannot see. My friend, I end up convincing her to leave because I don't want her to see everything. She's like, all right, just text me if you need anything. Let me know if you're okay. I had to go back inside the house because I need my glasses. When I went back inside, he took my phone and he was not giving me anything back. He was like, you're gonna sit here and you're gonna call in to work tomorrow and you are not gonna leave. I was like, what do you mean? He gave me my phone. He was like, call in to work. He wasn't letting me leave so I had to call in to work. Tell them I was sick. You know, I made up some excuse. I ended up getting a ride up for calling in to work. It was a whole thing. He was like, all right, you're gonna go to bed. And so he made me stay there when he saw the cut on my leg. He was like, that's on you. That's your fault. You shouldn't have even tried to leave. And I was like, do you hear yourself? Do you not hear what you did? That next day, he went to work and I stayed there at the house and when I got up, first thing in the morning, I left. And I drove out of town because I didn't want to be anywhere near him. And he was texting me and calling me and he was like, are you okay? I was like, I don't want to be near you. I can't look at you. I can't talk to you right now. I had to fix the whole thing with my friends. I had to talk to my girl best friend and be like, hey, I am so sorry that you got dragged into this. And so I told her what happened. And she was like, okay, that makes sense to me because I know you. But her boyfriend was still really upset and so it took him a while to come around. But once he understood everything that was going on, he felt so bad for me because I just let myself go through that. It wasn't until a little bit later I was talking to my guy best friend. He was still really upset that I had been texting him like that and he threw it in my face. He was like, do you remember that day that I was really upset and I was trying to talk to you and all you did was ask me for news and I was like, what are you talking about? That wasn't me. That was sad. Why would I do that to you? You've always been there for me. Why would I not be there for you? That was his first time realizing that this random guy that he did not even know saw nudes of him and he was like, what the fuck is his issue? And I was like, I don't know. I really don't know. After that, we wouldn't really talk. I didn't really want anything to do with him. We kind of left it at that until sometime in the summer. He was calling me and telling me about how he wanted to live together. He was like, you can move in. I'll give you complete access to my phone. I promise I'm not going to cheat on you anymore. I just want you. In August, I ended up moving back to my hometown. My lease was up at my apartment. I had decided to quit working at the hospital. I got a different job because I didn't want to see him anymore. I didn't want to be around him. I wanted him to have no access to me. So I blocked his number, quit my job, cut him off cold turkey. I was working at a different office and I was talking to a nurse that was working at that office. And I was telling her about Chad and she was like, oh, I know him. He dated my best friend when I worked at this other hospital. I know a lot about him. You need to stay away from him. I was like, he would sometimes show up to work drunk. And she was like, oh, yeah, we all know that. That's nothing new. This girl dated this guy like six, seven years ago. She was like, that's just how he is. I guess no one ever wanted to report on that. It's really frustrating because I would tell someone and they'd be like, well, yeah, but like think about what would happen if this comes out. He has a life too. He has kids. He has his house and he has this and that. They're always like, you don't want to ruin his life. He's worked so hard to get to where he's at. If you report him, you're just going to come out as the crazy ex girlfriend. He's going to end up suing you for trying to say stuff about him. I was like, but the stuff is true. What about me? I'm a person too. I'm someone's daughter. I'm someone's kid. I have a life. But if I let this out, it's going to ruin him. Never mind all what he did to me. He's a big, powerful man and we can't take that away from him. We have to make sure he can't lose his job. But when you actually go into the hospital and on the floor, you have all these nurses who are like, we don't want to work with him. We don't like him. He is held to be around. We don't talk to him. In September, I was out with my friends at college tonight. We're bar hopping and we get to one bar that's known for having a lot of college students. I'm having a really good time. I turn around and I see his son and his son sees me. While we had never actually met, we keep looking at each other. I was like, that's got to be him. I yell his name and he turns around and I was like, oh my God, that is him. I walk up to him and he is just the sweetest person. He's telling me, I'm sorry. Anytime you were at my house, I wasn't trying to be rude to you. It's just, my dad was drunk and I hate it. I hate how he gets when he's drinking and I was like, no, it's okay. I completely get it. We're talking and he at one point was like, put my dad in jail because it's the only way he's going to stop. He is never going to stop what he's doing. That really hit me. I was like, you're the whole reason I never reported him. I didn't want to leave his son without a dad, his son knew that he wasn't going to stop. That was a big eye opener for me. After that, I stopped talking to him. Even up to now, I don't talk to him. I had to get my number changed. I have switched jobs multiple times because I don't want him to know where I'm at and I have to have him blocked on all social media to make sure he does not come near me. It's been really hard. I spent from the time I was 22 to the time I was 25 with him. That's three years of on and off and it was three years of constant abuse the way he would talk to me, the way he was manipulative. Everything about him was really, really bad. I feel like I spent so much of my youth wasted with him and on him. That now I have a hard time coping with all of it. I try to work out. I see my doctor, I go to therapy, but it's all really hard to get past, especially with that bond. I mean, I was so attached to him any time he has tried to reach out to me. I tell him, you need a stop or I'm going to go to the cops. I'm going to get a restraining order against you and he's like, no, you can't do that. I can't get arrested one more time. I'm going to lose my job. It's just been really hard, especially knowing that he doesn't deserve his job. I did make an anonymous report to the ethics board for the hospital he's working at. I have no idea how far they went as far as investigating him or them keeping him. I have no idea what's gone on there and I don't want to go digging into it. I would like to keep my distance, but it would be nice to see him get what he deserves. Luckily, I have great friends. I've really started to speak out more on my mental illness, bringing more awareness to bipolar and borderline personality disorder. There's always the big issue of it being romanticized. You see shows where the main character is bipolar and on all these drugs. People are watching them. They're like, she's getting through it and she's going to save herself and people almost romanticize that. I get really frustrated and I'm like, I can show you how ugly it truly is. It's really hard having to fight against a lot of the stigma that's out there for people that are bipolar and borderline personality. That part is just so hard because there's sometimes where I will get so frustrated or so mad where I have torn my room apart thrown. Everything that's in my room against the wall stomped on bases until they break. I've hurt my hand. It was bruised for two weeks from where I was just punching stuff. Those people don't understand or they'll see that and they'll be like, she's just crazy. People will label you as crazy whenever they see that but try to romanticize the disorders on TV. That's really hard having that label. My heart goes out to you. I'm so incredibly sorry for everything that you endured in this relationship and this experience. Everything you shared has been extremely powerful. I truly believe sharing stories like yours helps save other people's lives so I cannot thank you enough for all of your time. Thank you for having a platform for people to talk and to be able to share their stories. I think that's really important for people to realize that the relationship that you're in, if it's anything like that, number one, it's not healthy and number two, it's work but you can get out of it. It's really, really hard. You cry a lot but at the end of the day, you have to do something for yourself. I think that people don't realize whenever you're in a relationship with someone, it doesn't matter that you're dating. No means no. If you say no to someone, even when you're dating them and they're still forcing you to have sex, that's still a salt. It's still rate. You shouldn't let people tell you that it's not because you're dating someone. He was really aggressive whenever we would be intimate. There was one time where he was slapping me in the face and he was telling me, I thought this is what you wanted. He would choke me and slap me around looking back, that's still abuse. He still put his hands on me. He would grab me by my arms or something. I think that if you're in that situation, you have to get yourself out. It's really hard. It's really scary. I feel lucky to have made it out and to have cut communication with him because I know a lot of people have not cut communication with him. I know one of his exes, she still talks to him. She actually tried to press charges against him at one point. The fact that she still talks to him shows how much of a manipulator he is. He is able to keep this control on people. Luckily I was able to leave but I know other people haven't. A lot of it I had blocked out of my mind. I didn't remember it happening until I would remember it got to the point where anytime I would remember something that he did, I would have to write it down because if not, I was just going to completely forget it was going to fly over my mind. I think people need to realize that sometimes your brain does block out stuff and that is a trauma response because your brain is trying to protect you from everything that you went through. It's been really hard reliving it but I think that it is important to speak out and to be a voice for people who maybe feel like they don't have one. Thank you so much for all of the time, energy, vulnerability and bravery. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time, stay safe friends. Something was wrong is a broken cycle media production created and hosted by me, Tiffany Rees. If you'd like to support the show further, you can share episodes with your loved ones, leave a positive review or follow something was wrong on Instagram. Something was wrong podcast. Our theme song was composed by Glad Rags. Check out their album Wonder Under. Thank you so much. Hey, prime members. You can listen to something was wrong early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at slash survey. It's the fall of 2017 in Rancho Tejama, California. A man and his wife are driving to a doctor's appointment when another car crashes into them, sending them flying off the road. Disoriented, they stumble out of the car only to hear dozens of gunshots whizzing past them. This is just one chapter of a much larger nightmare unraveling in their small town. This is actually happening, presents a special limited series called Point Blank, shedding a light on the forgotten spree killings of Rancho Tejama, where a lone gunman devastated a small town, attacking eight different locations in the span of only 25 minutes. The series follows five stories of people connected to the incident, from a father that drew the gunman away from a local school to the sister of the shooter. 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