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Hello, you're listening. Oh, what kind of stop you right there actually? I feel like just as a one off I would know where I feel like I should do the intro this week. Why is it all right? I just really important. I think it's really important that I do the end of this week Just for everyone listening everyone's up with it with things and stuff. I think that's okay Can I just for once can I do it for okay? Yes, I have no idea what is happening. Hello. You're listening to Shagmar annoyed with me Chris Ramsey and the bottom celebrity on the wheel Rosie. Oh, get lost bottom dead dead bottom the bottom you know the you know the top you know the one at the top the opposite of that one the opposite of that one anyone out there who's got 76 grand that the want to lose Come and say Rosie because she will quick as a flash 76 76 76 who are fucking blow he was so chip our after though yeah really like to the Assam he'd wait outside to meet everybody I should be pants because I was like oh here we go He asked me first nothing And then he was like oh and I genuinely was like I am so sorry. I felt terrible And I wanted to send him a hump. I do remember I tried to get in touch with the management It's then and my manager went people don't normally do that first of all I think it's horrible that people don't do that in Second, well, I think it's really lovely that you try to do that well I mean I still would but I don't it nothing came of it I didn't get easy dress in the end so Jonathan I've got a hammer with you only I'm gonna get him I'm gonna get one doing because he was such a nice guy and had genuinely felt terrible that he lost it But what was your girl's name who actually did win? Oh, yeah, she's been going on honeymoon Which is great. So somebody did win on the day. Yeah, and to be fair that question was really hard that that we got wrong Yeah, oh you do that. Did I tell you that afterwards? I was speaking to Stephen mine Stephen Mangan Mangan and I was like oh fuck see another thing that Chris because that one of the questions beforehand Yeah, we got right because I heard you say it so many times. Well, Jay's a Being the hip-hop's first even no side note even though Dr. Dre sold beats to Apple for four billion. Oh, he wasn't 25% stakeholder in beats. He got tackles as well. Yeah, but Run James and a few other people were in on it so he didn't get even a billion so we want the billion Imagine imagine that chocolate What's the point? It wasn't until after yeah, I feel listening to them I'm sorry wasn't until after that I remember Yeah, one time you said that if you put your hands out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but like out stretched and If you took a nail file and literally filed a tiny little bit of your nail Yeah, that would have beat you would have wiped out human existence in the span of the earth Is that right? This is the span of the earth. Yeah, how long the earth's been around? That was a question. How long is earth being around? Yes, and if you said if you did Took a little nail file. Sorry, don't you try and explain anything? I'm saying for people listening because you're Fucking sitting there like the fucking angel of the North and no one knows what you're doing. I know I'm sorry I put your hands at the angel of the North the guys everyone listening now do it if you're walking a dog or whatever Keep hold of the lead This is from a Bill Bryson book if you hold them out as far as you can point your middle fingers away from you and Take a nail file and just swipe Just once on your most prominent nail, which is normally a middle finger You have eradicated human existence from that timeline if that timeline from nail to nail is The beginning of the earth and now that is it The answer is 4.5 billion. Yeah people also Was next it was was no billion like four billion More billion not yours people also use a post at North are sheet of paper on top of the Empire State Building So if you take the Empire State Building as the floor, I think this is what this might this one I haven't read in a book so this might be bothered but if you take the floor as the beginning of the earth and the top of the Empire State Building as now As the sheet of paper is the width of or is it a stamp is it the size of a stamp anyway? You've lost all of it. So that's what is us we we've been here five fucking minutes like a blink of an eye Yeah, so yeah, I'm long enough for you to make some guy fucking go Other than that I had a really nice time. I just honestly like it's I didn't One you didn't do really badly you did really well There was that one moment and that happened to be the high stakes moment, but I thought you were funny I thought you look like you have no nice time. I did I thought that horrible bit with a meet you go round on the chain Film a fucking camera right in your face and you've got a dance People listening you've got no idea how long you have to dance for oh ages The film all them the wheel bits at the beginning and they put the camera in front of you because I haven't got that if you notice There's not a camera in front of everyone all the time So You do 45 minutes of let's all dance I was devised because I did dab a lot for Robin I don't keep any of me dabs in I did loads of dabbing cuz I was like oh they'll keep one easy for the bay and so the bay would be like your dabbing Didn't do one well is that not because a dab is normally a celebratory thing and you stank the place out Cheers, he won you could have dabbed if she didn't matter. Maybe we put that But I know it was good for him So very well done and commissarations again Jonathan and if the world allows it rosy might send you a hamper So there you go, I'd love to there we go, but this is we've just started. This is just the start This is the start of the episode it is yeah guys. It's episode. It's episode. I believe this episode 209 Shit the bed 209 The bed 209 guys will hope you all well out there. We'll be nice little time Again, whatever you do any what the dog you're the Jimmy doing your in any might just be sitting My piss it down. I'm gonna listen. I don't know what you do. Nice. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for being here Rosy's here. I'm here more importantly this week's sponsor is here we go this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor is Week and up when it's light oh High five ramsie high five two two two Six high five yeah, six high five is excessive in any I know that's crazy. This is not excessive people who people have won the Super Bowl and not done six high five We won't go when it was light today. We did it's a great thing I wrote half seven, but we talked about that in the actual podcast. Yeah, we can do basically just I think I mentioned before But go on a bed when it's dark and then wait in a when it's dark is Actually, the most depressing thing in the world watching your nighttime telly on the same lighten as you watching See bebies on the morning with the same amount of lamps on it's fucking soul destroying and sick of it unless You're like in the deep dark depths of December Yeah, I suppose brain kind of goes. It's Christmas. Yeah, like Christmas morning, but you know March You're not in that mood you're not in that vibe. No, I mean like pitch black. Yeah We're talking five in the morning Hopefully hopefully fingers crossed will might be at the back end of it find out more after the jingle. Oh, here we go Is the Jing We'll hope you like the Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo back Jing Hello and welcome back to Shaggy married annoyed and lovely to have you back with the bottom celebrity from the wheel on Saturday night and me who was One I want a one I keep second on taskmaster. I want catchphrase Tip and point. Mm-hmm Lord just just the list goes on. I mean that might be it actually I'm so always think it looks a bit desperate when when celebrities do all of the programs Well, you know right in it You just think oh Was I beyond The arena Sir Me Bro What do you want to do? Every channel every chapter program I'm good at quiz. I don't know. I'm not Kim. I came third out of four and so terrible That was two that was another level that that was hard. Jesus Christ. I don't think I'd be nice to do that General knowledge my ass nothing general about that Christ. I got me specialist subject. All right. I did well on that Looking back God why I think I would get away with that With I do like again everyone when she went ready to do with my shoulder there the body language She proper. I just like Came up like a lion and then just double double gun fingers. I genuinely Maybe it is a sexual thing. I just love singing. I get like a proper release. Yeah, I can endorphin release. Yeah Yeah, like a sneeze. What must it? What I mean Robin singing Lord like really at the top of voices at the minute Even when I'm lying in bed on my own when I wake up and I don't see a name on my phone Yeah, me and Robin I enjoy singing that for a minute top top of the lungs everyone anywhere any situation Both of them top of that lungs. It's Neither of us know the next bit those What a wake up and I don't see your name on my phone And then it's a better That's you remember I've said it for you is you remember little bits of the of the lyrics so it genuinely sounds like someone You're dog in the rain. Yeah, it sounds like someone eating a sandwich and singing at the same time where the odd words coming out and the rest Gobbling a sandwich. It's really annoying. What you're saying anyway. What are you gonna say? Don't know what were you gonna see? You don't know what you're looking at it for you don't we we just in the pause moment there we work out why you can't send that guy a hamburger Yeah, we think that it might be the rules. I think it's the rules of something. I know you were gonna see looking back And that's why I saw I saw looking back and then nothing happened What's what my mastermind I talked about I did general knowledge and I did well looking back looking back Oh, well I did see your housewives, but I got Yeah, it's another TV. Yeah, it's another TV program that probably didn't want to know I just think it was a stupid idea That'd be like nobody actually really watches it except you just you you're actually yeah, and then so they said podcast And I was like fair enough. I wish I'd done Chris and I needed a pizza because that ask your loads on the phone call That's what's your favorite stuff? I needed well, I did UFC. I found it really sad phone call though When they were like what's what what what you what your interest? What's your hobbies? What you really knew? What you know a lot about now. I'm like Real Yeah, I thought Jesus Christ. I know exactly what you mean So I couldn't think of anything else and then when I think about the other thing I know a lot about is crisps Yeah What the mead are of potatoes Yeah, I did I did a crisp quiz with you and I didn't really well. So there you go What flavor is the salt and then yeah cheese and you pro cocktail beefy Like I think I did it from to crisp crisp quiz now Red and white packet tea-bone steak bubbled crisps What's the make what's the make oh? That's hard is it on us a brown brown and white packet is a text next to something no That the flavor is tea-bone steak. Yeah, and they're like round and bubbled. What's the brand? Not fuck McCoy, nope, no, no, no, I don't know what is it? It gives with a rear Right what right Roastans roasters. Oh, yes, roaster you are Hey Jonathan get you're not going to errands, bruh If I'd have seen it if I'd have seen it on brought down I just got it one more come on Love I love Chris haven't ate any four ages actually I'm being really good You know when you said that me what you want for mother's day. Yeah, I want a family pack of kettle chips So I'm gonna go okay, and I want an Easter egg please genuinely what you want from other state. Yes, please really Guys like the massive like the massive Easter one Guys you might think that's just seeing this to sound like she's very low maintenance and try to sound like one of the people No, that's what I want that's genuinely you would be over the moon if I got you that yeah, you've done it before Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got a Easter egg before I think it was in lockdown. Nice. Well there we go. Yeah, so it's all right Then that's good because I'm missing half a mother's day, aren't I? Yeah, yeah, yeah, not even here not even here. I'm gonna see the UFC this weekend if you all listen to this on Friday afternoon I will already be a fucking hamad I mean the lads get the train down Friday midday. Whoo Dic night on the drink yet dicks everywhere night on the drink Whoop whoop and then Saturday going to the auto to watch her oosman versus Edwards three Is that a z-posh? There's two of them the Kamara oosman and Leon Edwards. It's the third time that do you think I'm at the third the third person? Like in line of his family Is that not what you meant? Edmund three it's the third time the fourth. Oh, it's the trilogy rosy. Oh, but that's so see it again. How you said it? Oosman versus Edwards three Probably Edwards versus Oosman three because Edwards is the champion So just the third time that they've done it. Well, we had weird. See it. I thought you thought you said it wrong I thought you meant the third it's industry standard rosy Okay, if it's industry standard why the fight in three times. What happened first two first time? Oosman one second time oosman was the champion and Leon Edwards not to mount the headkick in Salt Lake City last August This is Leon Edwards Birmingham lad England home turf or two nice fighting so oosman's trying to get his title back right It's gonna be good. Oosman from so oosman is a American fighter and Edwards is a British fighter and obviously we want Leon Edwards to win okay I sat next to Leon Edwards the last time I watched the I actually really nice shot Re nice guy. Well, it really was at the one in front of you. You got the picture with yeah Yeah, I mean all the lads were like top on shore like you're gonna you're gonna beat him You're gonna cuz that was in June and then he fought him in the August any beat them So now we're gonna be watching them very exciting very exciting I thought you were excited anyway, and back the the guy who whose dreams you destroyed on Saturday night on the wheel we thought the reason that you couldn't give my hamper is because of the rules It would be sort of cast as like a concentration price I don't think it is the BBC rules or whatever did I ever tell you when I had the Chris Ramsey show on Comedy Central on Series 2 we had games at the end and it was to something to play if I like a tenor or something one of the games It was just a joke to play for a tenor so it was example and jade Adams I think we're doing the shot glass game for a tenor and I said at the end can they just come and give it to remember the crowd And the genuine rule is you can't just give someone in the crowd money at a TV show because to win money on a TV show Scale has to be involved. That's why deal on or deal even though it was total fucking look Yeah, the made it did play that whole bullshit if you're playing a good you're playing a good game here You're playing a tactful game you're right. You're playing tactics. No, no, no, no, you're opening boxes at random It was absolute fucking look it was total fluke the whole time but you had the bank airing and up and and it was that So the made it into a game the made it in yeah, like so you are playing and gambling but you weren't you were just all in box Do you know I was a little bit obsessed with dealing with I fucking love to you know I bought the DVD game Wow, yeah Wow, yeah, bought it But it was a bit liquid I used to play it on you This was he did you know no deal like this was when it was I think I applied to be on it did you yeah Yeah, I never got picked What a what a brilliant game it took the world by start it took the country by storm It was so good just like I'm gonna go for number 12 Oh I'm been still the sick man, but what is this one it's definitely this one that I've got here It's definitely definitely this one and it wasn't So devastating I have a do Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Bad do I want to ask is what I've been watching on TikTok For fuck's sake um Yes, what have you been watching on TikTok? So on TikTok recently I saw a video of a lady who is like a Relationship psychologist Relationship therapist I think her and her husband might be so that that sounds awful first off, but she said that her and her husband recently Have been like smooching every night before bed and not Not necessarily having sex after every smooch just doing a smooch Yeah, and it actually made a lot of sense right because for some reason when you get married right or not even married to take marriage out of it Smarage as we all knows a crock shit right hate that I'm married, but anyway. Me views have massively changed our marriage anyway So it was a nice day though It was a nice day cost of watching No, it's ridiculous it's a piece of paper So it's a debt and a piece of paper no, I mean either No, I think I had to use it when the bang or christened anyway, I don't know where it is So what happens is when you've been in relationship for a long long time you just kind of don't kiss anymore No, we don't hardly ever kiss anyone unless you're doing unless you're gonna go to the sex right And so she was like what we need to do and it actually makes sense and I'm kind of just trying to pass this on because we're gonna try this You don't know this yet, but we are actually gonna get on the smooches No, because it made sense and it was like you know what it is you should kiss more often and it not just have to be like All right, well, we're kissing and now we're gonna have sex right because that's that's like I think that's an awful way to just Does that make do I'm really in sense? I totally understand it and it does make perfect sense two questions And are you going to her brush your teeth? I mean what about yeah you as well But let's just have to brush my teeth and you don't that awful have you ever kissed somebody when you just Say I will of course mine as well. Okay, okay, I Don't have yet in it now. No, no, I'm just being off the hook Of the hook. How was that smooth after hook And second question. Will you be wearing your terrifying tron doffy there in his egg mask? Well, no, obviously not right that's that's that's that's that was me last question. Yeah, and it doesn't have to lead to sex You mean and maybe is maybe is every now and again, they made these But I'll take me daily very busy, but it doesn't have to and I just think it's I just thought I didn't important in case anyone's not seen on ticker I think it's quite a nice thing to do. Yeah, so what a nice idea Just thought of the old small better get these tonsils in order. Yeah, but I get this there Yeah, mouth exercises Fuck her up weird for this round. Hey, hey if you've got a busy night ahead of you cuz it sounds like ah Well, the bloody smooch and I'll be doing you born your Bob clip no Riches allowed no smooching and then doing the idea crotch because that winds us up right? Okay That's and all all everybody listening will know exactly what I'm talking about Men are weird and you just seem to need to like announce a half a reaction and I find it really odd Do you know what I mean The word has florith to the nether regions and the erection is indeed upon us Dating, dating, yeah, yeah, that's what it's like. I mean it's less. It's a lot more subtle than that. It's usually just a little look down I'm gonna buy a bell. I'm gonna numbers on now. I'm gonna buy a big bell big bell like at the end of playtime at school Ryan It's time for what you I mean ladies first or gentleman first I don't see any of them in here I will go on then slags first great happy slags week by the way everyone I don't know if it is anymore now where it was last week I did a Peloton run today because I'm an athlete and it was um slag history month Is that what it is you're not allowed to see it all You can't see it. I can see it you can't see it History month apparently American all the songs were female EDM artists electro dance music I think that's things for really good. Yeah, but yeah, I got a little badge at the end See in well done you've done one of them. I'll also badges on peloton now in there I wish I'd send you them and I could so them on me underpants and I'm cranky. I love that See how it turned out on himself though even in an international women's month and he turned it to his own achievements Like a fucking man that he is okay. I'm gonna back out of this cold as I feel like I'm not gonna win So my beef Don't go down there mate it's a trap no drive the other way this is her time You'll shut up Very billbird shout out a billbird paper tiger if you haven't seen that on Netflix watch it Uh, right. Okay, so my beef with you Ramsey is under the let under the table. I'm touching your leg. Oh my god So under the table she's got a feet either side of my feet and I feel like you're gonna capture No, you can't you can't you turn stop touching me feet. Oh, you this is me. What's happening? Yeah? Is this work? Filth this week. We've got a bloody kiss every night now. We touch me feet We bloody honestly you be pretty pork and me bomb next. What the hell's going on? The No, I was watching on tech talk partly. It's got a late before you have your breakfast Just got to quickly poke each other's bombs mix it mix it wet and look marriage longer You first Chris I was talking I didn't see that I'm tech talk Yes, right my beef with you is this weekend on Sunday specifically you banned the bin on his iPad. Yes, and honestly I was And I you're great though because he was being a twire right this is Robin by the way. He's only allowed his iPad He's only he's got my old iPad. He's only allowed it on a weekend. He's not allowed on it after school or before school You just have his own iPad. He's got your hand me down. Yeah, but I don't know about you guys, but I'm just find iPads too much for kids He's one of them kids. He can't he just can't handle it Where especially he's a bit better now. He's older but try to get him off it is horrible So we just put a flat out bag if he's not ready to come off it if he's not ready to come off it You're like timing off it. Yeah, but I can deal with weirdly I can deal with it on a weekend because the day is a bit longer The before bed and the in the morning. It was just every day. He's like I'm going and I was like you're not you're not going on Your iPad before school like no, you're not and I have to just keep reminding myself of my childhood and how fucking bored I was all the time. Yeah, and I just feel like it's need to be bored. Yeah, I was fucking bored. Shit. Oh my god Like this is the thing right I have read somewhere like when we were younger Yeah, where our parents had their TV on all the time. Oh god. Yeah, but in our house. It's constantly for the kids So every now and again, I do and I don't know if you've noticed every now and again I will walk on like grand designs or something to be fair from an absolute low ground Request George Clark and George Clark on a in bed on a night before he goes to bed, but that's I don't know. He's just weird like that, but Like heartbeat and all that shit was on the tally and you'd be sure to Antique Sunday afternoon antics roach or killers Wildlife programs fair enough only when you are only appreciate wildlife programs now. Yeah, I was your I was bored shitless. Yeah, hard beat you right. I ran this whole fuck. Holy shit That fucking thing that thing did your dad used to watch the results the football results on a Saturday I don't know. He wasn't allowed. It was just it's just it was just a screen. It was just a scream Football names. I was like West Bromwich Albion. Oh, yeah, no, I didn't know squad draw. Yes, and he would just do and I was like this is like I do remember that Tell you text man I used to go in the living. I'll be in the kitchen. I'm making tea. I do something right and I will go in the living room no lights on Full darkness telly on words Just Queen's Park Rangers one. I've only remembered it from that voice. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god board Soulborne. Yeah, so boring. So anyway, and then I had a goobstair Our goobstairs now play on sonic on the mega drive Where if you died you just started again? So I play the first three levels of green hills or have the cheat man Yeah, I have the cheat man. Yeah, I have still you know sometimes like And yes, but the only thing I'm saying is you only has it on the end and you did you band it But you had nothing else in place. Yeah, so all day You just kept slightly coming up to me going please can I go back on the iPad and obviously I wanted to go Yeah, because I'm fucking actually sick here, but your dad said no one and apparently we've got to have a united front Yeah, you have to keep it united front with me if you expect any of this Twilight smooch and start up you keep united front with me right here the united front In parent like I do actually do it very rarely you're you know, I'm usually one Right no, no, but I didn't come on. I didn't on sunday. I went with it. You did go with what's to me annoyance No, I'm here and that you weren't with it You know your soul wasn't in it. Well, I did tell that's why he kept asking you every time he kept asking is I went Well, your dad has said you can't so yeah, you died You're dad Wow, so my beef with you. Yes is now We all know famously you claim to not like cheese. I don't like cheese short up right pizza love it cheese toasties All over them, right? Yeah, you do like no cheese on toast not a big I don't like your cheese toasty, right? Like cheese on toast. I'm okay with a bit of lean parents on top Yeah Now I'll be lia damma. So I recently have I've started having to do a really horrible thing that I don't like doing and it's because of your weirdness Um, you don't like cheese. No, um, so you don't like dairy lay But you do like the sticks from dairy lay dunkers. Yeah, so they're like chivey Chris So fucking annoyance. So what you do now is you will get yourself a little dairy lay dunker And you will take it to somewhere in the house like a little squirrel because you're like a teenager and you don't eat I eat all of my meals either in my office Which is next door to the kitchen or in the kitchen right you are just I find stuff you've eaten all over the house like a teenager And I hate it first of all right Soul strange you left you left to play it with a big glob a ketchup in your little dressing room thing For like two days the other week and I was like what the fuck is wrong with this person? Well, two days easily three days for four nights now You what you do you move it? I don't move it. Oh, of course I moved it. It's like a standoff. You know I'm gonna move it That's your you know I'm gonna move it now you've got your little this is what you're doing guys right you got your little They really don't guys and you went you're taking upstairs by the side of our bed bedside table in our bedroom I like the eating bed. It's just got to eat the bed me beds me favorite place and foods me favorite thing Yeah, why not marry them both together because I'm here as well, and I don't approve Don't come on. I say so what you do is you get your open your little dearly don't know you don't even open the cheese bit Right, and then you eat your little sticks you eat your little sticks And then you leave the dearly don't her cheese pot little cheese pouch thing at room temperature Somewhere in the house for over a day So what I have to do as head of recycling in the household and the only person who isn't annoyed the person who is annoyed by this I have to come and get the thing take it downstairs peel the thing off then I have to scoop the room temperature 10 to day old possibly dearly cheese out of it and flick them to bin then rinse it No, you think I for what do you mean you used to you said with you think you're doing your finger I'm about washing or yeah, well I'm about to a spoon or whatever. I'm about to wash it So it doesn't mean manner but I have to get the room temperature dearly I quite I'm quite a fan of dearly But I have to get room temperature dearly out of that little thing because you've had the little sticks and it's just Starting to do me tips right okay twice last week. I had to do it right again anyone from dearly listening You did do it right less twice less week because it must have been the week before because I've not been eating crisps Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do that. I realize it. Anyone are dearly listening, right? Don't send with a cheese Just if you can somehow send work like a bin like they could make them in the just packets of crisps Send it a bin liner of them sticks. Yeah, the chives sticks The cheese is great, but in this house. It's not going down well Just like this Stop it because you'll just leave it around the house stop it. We don't consume enough cheese in this house You've ignored the kids eat loads of cheese create a cheese The them nibble things the cathedral nibbles which we mom told us off a buy in uh-huh Why are you buying them in the packs just buy a block of cheese and cut up in a little bit? I don't like touch cheese can you? I don't like touching cheese. That's another thing by the way here's another beef while we're at it Rosie can't touch cheese up in on us and it's like living It's like living with so I don't know what it's it's craziness It's like living with someone who's imposed the wrong weird rules on life Oh, when they're not the banana when you give them a banana can't touch bananas bananas And rave is obviously you'd think he comes down the stairs he's like No, I'm like something wrong with you Disgusting on the book. You're bananas are amazing Banana it's in its own carrier Gives you energy. Oh, it's brilliant. Make a breath stink. Have I been to someone who's had a banana man? Oh god I'll be having bananas every night before that now Listen, if you didn't want to touch on with us. You don't have to touch on with it No, I'll not be having no banana smooch banana smooch on no smooch Mate, it's not what I want to kiss you every night. I'm just trying to make my marriage better I've watched on tiktok there wasn't even a video on tiktok but I knew you just can't get enough of this If saving more and spending less is one of your top goals for 2023 Why are you still paying insane amounts of money every month for your phone bill right now when you switch to mint mobile You'll get their unlimited plan for 50% off as the first company to sell premium wireless service online only Mint mobile let's you order from home and save a ton with phone plans starting at just $15 a month All plans come with unlimited talk and text plus high speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5g network Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mint mobile dot com slash save that's mint mobile dot com slash save Hurry over in January 15th Yeah, but you babbo babbo babbo babbo babbo it's time for questions from the public Public as always if you would like to get in touch and send us anything at all It is shagged married and oi that gmail dot com. I think it kindly Hi, Chris and rosy. Hi, I've been dying the email this blinder in for a while because it's a roller coaster strap in lovely I've lived in a small town called Yorville You know Yorville, don't you? Yorville, octagon incredible theater Westlands is the next step up, which is a lovely room as well Fantastic comedy fans in Yorville big shout out to Yorville. Yeah, well, they clearly have a good sense of humor as well Okay So I've lived in a small town called Yorville for most of my life due to my dad being in the navy and being stationed at nebys just down the road So as you can imagine this is navy yeah air base uh-huh Navy air base Oh What a con trajectory isn't it A baby's on board. I isn't it smell an early fib. Do you think this is bullshit? No, I don't think I think this sort of I think would the air base need the the water guys might have a lake No, I think we've been very ignorant here. I think they do kind of do stuff at each other's things I mean that's the most ignorant sensual I think absolutely boys. I think they have sleepovers. I think sometimes the air people go look we don't get it Do the ports come we go to the ports and then they come over I think they're in a it says so as you can imagine this is in a long list of vile hilarious and traumatizing Matliott stories Is that Matliott? I don't know whether they've spelled something wrong or that's a word. Okay. I don't think it is Google Matliott just yeah Matliott MAT L-A-O-T Says I'm sure most military kids can relate L-A-O-T L-A-O-T Matliott Dictionary Assailor Oh Really sure off their type of map, weren't they? Good word. I mean it hasn't recognized it on me thing because the little red lines come underneath Oh, that's embarrassing What? No real there was no real need to send that What about yeah and actually the fact that the Stories and it was a little bit the fact that the dad is in the Navy or the Abyss has nothing to do with the story but that's fine Just some nice to get a bit of background. No, I feel inferior. I've had a Google that now. I feel very embarrassed I feel like is this what it feels like to be the bottom of the world? It's exactly what it feels like. Did you see my face? Long time didn't I just kind of go Oh god When may my older brother were kids around seven and eight we were relaxing in the living room one evening before bed When we were startled by a blood-curdling scream from our parents boys boys come quickly please help Oh as you do when you're a kid we panicked and ran towards the commotion To wear the more the commotion was coming from sorry in the kitchen However as we turned out with the living room we both stopped in complete and total horror There in the kitchen was my dad trousers and boxes down to his ankles covered in shit He was covered in shit the floor was covered in shit the walls the fridge. It was fucking everywhere He explains I don't know what happened. I thought it was a fart and I couldn't stop it No, we were frozen wondering how the helid managed to make such a horrific mess My mom then comments I can't believe this do you think it's something that you ate maybe the curry Without a second's hesitation the dirty say you entay wow wipe some off his ass cheek and put it in his mouth no no no no I it's the curry What the hell now I know what you're thinking Chris social services send him to me yeah, but there's more to this After having a taste of the devil's chutney dripping down from his ass My dad and mom both started historically laughing sorry hysterics here's historically my defense Was a while ago What's going on is this a prank it turns out my mom had cooked a huge pot of Chinese chicken curry that day And after it had cooled when to put it in the fridge when she dropped it all over the floor My dad witnessed this saw his opportunity in Tuket That once explained me and Jamie saw the funny side and off we went to carry on with whatever we were doing on the tele But that's not the end of this story Few weeks later I was at school when my class were asked to write about a funny and memorable experience We'd add in the past for her family is part of our English that's Says the right it says them right oh god That was Oh I just as a parent now I just have to know but I have to just think of like That will be such a good prank to pull on your kids imagine if I dropped curry right In Robin and wish and you Literally believe I mean actually hang on robin seven would we do that with Robin now I don't think no, but you think we would see you dad And you eat it I think that'll be funny do you think I don't know that but I think the thing were Robin though Robbins like I don't always quite highly strongly at I don't I don't think he'd be okay for a while I think I'd be like no look it's a joke Robin had to put a bit of cake in the bin yesterday yeah because rief It's not Look at it and eat What I need to I think rafid like sneezed you know the best Yeah, so Rob was like oh Oh If it goes anywhere Rob was not robbers just like that So yeah, I don't think Robin would recover from me pretending to eat It's the Eden that would get it maybe you could be like oh Yeah, I don't even think if you'd say you dad's And then you may have jokin mommy spelled the curry but the eating it it would send him over the edge It was send him over the edge I think if the routine age as we could do it it is hysterical Who's brain goes to that What a bloody mess we're on for team hold that thought yeah It's the same dad who hid the shoes. Yeah, yeah same guy. Yeah, yeah, same guy Well, fearfully but it backfired because they wrote it down for school Yes, but that was the story my parents were greeted to parents evening a few weeks later with a bright red face teacher Holding said story who then had to explain to my parents what I had wrote and also commend me for adding such vying detail Um, there's a question in my question is did you do anything this horrifically embarrassing your parents when you were younger? Um, I think the only thing I probably ever did that was embarrassing in parents probably me mom Yeah, so I don't know if me dad would have bothered was just times throughout life when your mom's telling a story In lion and you go oh no that didn't happen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, in the person she's lying and your mom's like it did Like literally just like you get out of a seat your wish. Yeah, yeah, it did and you go mom and I don't know it Yeah, oh, oh sorry. We're calm. Come there. We've got this unsightly no Yeah, yeah, that's probably about it. That's not really embarrassing But my mom's still angry with me when um whenever I show was ill on a Sunday Um, it turned out to be the change that it was going through But it was always like a hangover and I used to shout out in the street Don't knock on the door because my mom's in bed with that Yeah, it's a shout-out and one time there was mice in my garden and I ran in the front street and told everyone my had mice in the garden She was mortified by that But yeah, I can't think of any others. I remember I was I mean, I always said stupid stuff I've I've talked about the podcast when I was I used to pretend I used to always we've spoke about I used to always pretend I was ill at school Mm-hmm hate school used to always be Yeah, and obviously if my mom was off and I knew she was off. I will pretend I was in on a Friday And she used to famously she would get a clothes on for one. Yeah, drop us off Crazy ridiculous. Yeah, crazy But rotten because every single time I was in the the they would just send us home for some reason Then you always bullshit and but the send us home probably probably fucking tick you I actually believe that your parents talk about you when you're younger. He was no bother. You I bet you were a I was a total fucking prick. I honestly think I would have He'd have been a genius. I was a fucking prick I imagine a lot of people who knew was when I was a kid But weren't friends with us and now we're aware of what we do in life think fucking hell How did that prick end up doing? Yeah? Well famously you mom and dad When Robin was younger and you kick off in that because obviously he gets told no Yeah, and you get iPod taking off him and he gets consequences your mom's like Christmas never like this and I'm like did you ever tell him no Did you ever yeah say no? Yeah, cuz weirdly kids who don't get told no They're not like badly behaved because they just just do what the want well the story I'm getting out of here is I was it was an infants and I was saying I wasn't very well And I was fine and I was in the headmaster's office or whatever and there was like right okay And they're like debate whether it takes home and they're like all right Well phone your mom and dad are we're phone your granddad your granddad can come and get you and like a fucking idiot I went oh I hope he comes soon And there weren't why and I went cuz cuz sesame streets on soon And they went right okay and I got sent back me class Oh yeah mug You mug Couldn't record you couldn't record it these days you know I mean I can do on an app from before I got catch up and watch on catch up What channel was that on because there was no kids shows just me day for yeah Was it was on dinner lunchtime for channel four Don't don't you ever question my Sesame Street knowledge again. I never got days off. Yeah. I mean I did used to love watching this morning On a day off with a kind of little like This morning with a kind of little yeah, that was that was like going to hold you for you on it. Yeah Yeah, but you babbo babbo babbo babbo babbo babbo Dear rosy and Chris this is going to make you lose your shit. Okay. I was listening to the episode about Matt the Mars bar man My name is also Matt and I also have a story about Mars bars. Oh, but don't get too excited This one wasn't me a friend of mine worked as a mechanic in a BMW workshop There was a woman who would regularly bring her BMW in for work to be done And as part of whatever was being done my friend once had to open the boot right upon opening He found it to be packed to the brim with a Mars bars to the brim I don't know whether that's just a bit of an exaggeration. I bet there was a couple of multi packs. Well, I bet there was a bet There was no more than 10 Mars bars in there I got it more Right, there's gonna this right imagine back in the day right when you can't buy Loathe there's near cost go right with the mat no Matt. Someone might have a mat or a card. Oh, she knows That is true. Well, there's just loads of Mars bars in the boot right? I can't even off put you know, I just had to back in the brim. What kind of car was it? What size of the boot? I didn't I haven't got enough information here. How many Mars bars are we talking? How many cubic feet of Mars bars are we talking? Let's just imagine there's 50 Mars bars in the boot right and you go Book an L that's a lot of Mars bars must be a sports car then sport boot right there you go Think it is a sport right Um, it said here she must be a lifetime Mars bar competition winner or maybe she sells them thought my friend Okay, so there is a lot Everyone in the garage was a little confused but thought nothing more of it First thing you could who isn't just bought loads it's she must have won a lifetime supply of Mars bars You see okay, man. Did you see I recognize it from the payer bashers that woman to that local woman who won the lifetime's Might be in it the winner. Hey, honestly, she didn't she wanted that name take another payer, but I gosh I thought to get robbed Do you know what Mars bars very underrated chocolate I fucking hate them. Oh what are you you hate them horrible? Love the main not just fucking like a bar of notes like no what's lost neither nugget on the like eat that off Whatever, yeah, man, all of what you want nugget right eat that you're a fucking nugget because it's new girl Who is this new nobody see? It's what it's called all right. Okay. Sorry. How's your exy mad doing? I'm not getting this again. We've done this before People just say give me a headache. I'm gonna have a couple of proofing I know I proofing anyway, I'd be proven So don't hear the rest of this. What was I saying you're saying how good Mars bars are you know Yeah, either no good off the bottom and then you eat the caramel is like separate things Come on come on Say it right new guard come on And chocolate certain things I can't watch you know if they say something wrong. Yeah, and I'm not I'm not a really clever person You know, I'm not but when somebody oh That when they deliberately say it the right way and you're just like oh, yeah, no one says that All right, you know what I mean, yeah, like when someone really goes over the top and they go like and just add your jalapenos Yeah, oh you didn't need to go that far But then I say jalapenos, but then I hate jalapenos. I hate jalapenos. You know, I want to dive into it Yeah, I'm sure I've said on the podcast when I saw I went on I went on YouTube and I was getting a fajita recipe And the guy said I'll write the big of the video where I'll teach out at me at the perfect for jikers video off video off I am I you I guarantee you I'm not taking any advice from you Welcome in video. This is how you make the perfect for jikers laptop shot Idiot Okay, so everyone in the garage was a little confused but thought nothing more of it They're just like where's all these Marsballs coming from crazy Every time the woman came back to the garage my friend had a sneaky look to save all the Marsballs were still there I wouldn't know what the force drive in the mad right After months a new mechanic started at the garage and after another visit from the woman He said that he could reveal all for us And this is dot dot dot icon. I can't unheared this information. So I'm passing it on to you Do you want to guess what they were what she was using them for Marsballs What do you think how do you think she's got them? Why do you think she's got them all? I mean do you think she's one of competition? No, I mean running a talk shop Um just of Marsballs. Just the words talk like oh Robin. What do you want? What do you want as you treat this weekend? Oh Jolly what Marlowe? I think I find you want them Marsballs That's got the that's got the Marsball exclusive talk shop in the leisure center All right, well, well, well, maybe maybe it's right. Yeah, you're smart after maybe it's a talk shop run by six or seven different women And each of them specialise in a different confectionery and she's Marsballs My margis she's Marsballs margis she brings a Marsballs some of those brings a Twix's So Mars brings the jealous Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah My jelly's Tracy tricks. Yeah, I don't think Marlowe would do as well. That's all I'm saying. Okay. Yeah, because they're shite Em is she they're not shite giving them Just should work. I don't know. I'm fucking Runs a youth football team and gives them all a Marsball. Yeah, I don't know. I mean what podcast are you listening to all right? Okay fair enough um I don't know it's a swimming man. Oh god. Oh, god. Of course it is I don't know why did I go there. I don't know what it is. Come on. Well, I shall tell you. Okay The woman was shall we say a lady of the night And apparently she was well known in certain circles for a particular party trick involving a Marsball Where she would insert it in her rear and slowly push As it slipped out it will be eaten bit by bit by the man She was squatting over Marjory Question yeah, would you eat it if it was coming out on my vagina a Marsball you're gonna have to pick one I like first These games work you're picking one I wouldn't I wouldn't need if it came out your fucking hand because I don't like Mars bars What the fuck do you make you think you can hide up your funny and I go actually know I fancy that I mean if you're loved is it anywhere anywhere man any other man with a pulse don't go out eat anything out You're funny love anything you want Like the love of a vagina you Mr. Right extra long night Listen my first couple of thoughts first couple of thoughts off of me right has a block ever went And she's gone well Bigger's gone be Jews as I've got a bootfall here Well, I'm not you know, I'm not what do you want us to give you a menu and you pick it's Mars bars are not you pervert Second thing second thing all I can imagine is she's doing pretty well doing this because she's got a celibate mw Oh Mars bars back in the day very put my dad used to be really partial to Marsball I I think you get the mom directly at me mom's us Oh I think I think that mechanics happen the moon as well by the way, I think he's just no one it says here I say to say the new mechanic was interrogated thoroughly on how he came by this information He swears it to be true, but also swears he hasn't witnessed it firsthand none of the other mechanics believe him He's either he's either lie to think he's either lies just made it up or he is yeah, he's getting he's getting discount for fix knuckle Oh my god, yeah, yeah, wow So what would he do? I have a vagina? Peter oh I'm not listening you've got a really sensitive vagina anywhere you got you special soap I know you're gonna be having confection. Oh, you're gonna go so actually yeah, you're right. I mean I definitely I didn't like Marsballs before this And I like them even less now. Yeah, I thought you might be half melted off the body What if he doesn't fall into your Marsball what if he doesn't fat what What is that is that the specific why do you got that look? I just want to shout sorry mate Marsballs up the arse That's all I do I think that's just a speciality speciality She's got a she's got a niche people travel for miles for marjorie and her Marsballs So I that's why she's got to get actually no she travels that's why I cause I was breaking She travels to them travels around the country without boot for the Marsballs Fucking miles on this love the Mars you know this as well if you didn't take as many if you just took enough Marsballs for each time That you needed them she wouldn't be used as much fuel that is true the weight of all their Marsballs But it didn't think I was gonna go a few consumption I know I didn't listen to marjorie just take as much as you need for the day maybe a back full yeah Just a money pack not a full boot yeah Too much weight in your car you cost me so much enough you know profits Eat in your profits with your ass I've got an ick-ick-ick and I got an ick Please get me anonymous my ick is with my boyfriend of 10 years nice He's always spent a good 30 to 40 minutes on the toilet and feels it necessary to walk into whatever room I am in after having a dump and doing a weird back stretch slash squat thing in order to put his piles back in place Sorry, what the fuck just happened? So we don't let again The ick is with the boyfriend of 10 years He's always spent a good 30 to 40 minutes on the toilet and he feels it's necessary to walk into whatever room I am in after having a dump and doing a weird back stretch slash squat thing in order to put these piles back in place He needs to go to the doctorate Um actually Damage in their relationship because that is awful right a couple of things yeah first get your pile sorted out Made sounds really dangerous self-paying for sounds horrible to put them back in the bathroom I know why you're putting your own like a cock with a cock with a walk Oh, but you're doing like a cat go in and lift your leg and looking at your bitch while making eye contact with her But what the hell? Maybe you think such as it turns her on Look at me look look at her flexible out Oh, it's popping all that back in that awful I know I feel it's more than an ick That wouldn't be an ick for me that's not like a Oh that's not an ick that's not an ick That's not an ick That's a Do you want to pack it in that's a pile Yeah an ick's like chewing loudly Yeah That's like Go to the hospital now popping your piles back in in front of us It's horrible It's bad enough when you used to actually that and ick were you You'd love to stretch like on the floor and that And get your gravisions and stuff while we're around Would you do that somewhere else actually in the future Wow It's horrible to watch Someone just having a little stretch I just like to have a little stretch I was just not fair to just having that This isn't really what you were supposed to do It's horrible Actually horrible to watch Wow Yeah Fair enough I'll just be stiff everywhere shall I Hmm Yeah Don't know that ick Yeah Hey Chris and Rosie My husband and partner have nine years has given me the ick It's his yet This man loves his dressing gown Cold evenings he's all bundled up And it's his and brackets Because he'll be able to put the heat on now A day is that's true And he climbs into bed for a cuddle Tell me why I don't really understand how this is wrong But this is how it's wrong Tell me why he takes his dressing gown off Like it's a jumper And not just take his arms out And put it in like a jacket He takes it up over the top To visualize He lifts his arms up behind his head And pulls at the collar from the back of his neck Pulling up and over his head like it's a jumper And she's attached to pitch at the explain how he does it And it's a man taking off atop Have you ever seen someone take a dressing gown off like this Madness instant ick Why so how does he get it back on Does he then undo So he then he then pick up Yeah Undo the belt It makes no sense at all Why is it It's so strange As an avid dressing gown wear on the self You've got multiple dressing gowns Love me dressing gown He at the look of his innit Because it's not a flatteren garment It's not a flatteren garment I look like penguin from Batman I'm telling you to be able I do When he's got his gown on It's every time I look in the mirror It's horrible But I just love the comfort of it But me too to look disgusting It's just it's ties in all the wrong places It's not nice I'm not a fan of dressing gowns I never wear dressing gown I love either way to dress Not a fan at all Just find them a bit I don't know like What do you hate me in mind No You do you look at this funny No you do you always look at this funny No you fucking I don't like you lie Leave it lying on the floor everywhere But yeah For your honest honest Do you hear this in me dressing gown No no I don't Because I know you're comfortable That you're happy and not in warm I've got you while you're dressing Got the f**k in that sense to turn the heat up And yeah I'm just not a fan I've never happened I mean my mom got as well when I was younger And I was just so And like all through life I like the idea of it Then I go f**k that I'd rather wear a jumper It's not a fan of dressing gowns There's a lot going on there Oh how's court There's some people Call them Dicks Yeah Dicks call them how's court Um yeah Not a fan But uh He's obviously picking that back up But then untieing the thing I mean what kind of admin Just untie the belt Take off like a court man He's just He's the way It's his way Put it there If you're listening You're putting your wife off You go really strange Massively Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo But Hi Rosy and Chris A long time listener first time A-mailer please keep me anonymous Always I am a student midwife And I think this experience Would be perfect for the podcast It could even be a Rosy's mysteries But I feel like Chris may get this too easily Okay let's try I like I'm due a win On Rosy's mysteries So let's do it This was the shift I delivered my second baby At the start of the shift Myself and the midwife Supervising me were warned That the couple way we're going to look after Were a bit odd Right This should have been my first red flag But I didn't think anything of it I mean it's a little red flag in it They're a bit odd It's a little bit here He has a red flag in it Yeah Yeah So we ended the room And introduced ourselves To the laboring woman in partner Also normal at first Until she had her contractions The woman was laid on her back Breathing on the gas in it And her partner Was massaging her Now you would think An normal person would rub their partner Shoulders Or back But not this guy Guess Where he was massaging her Well she's in labor Having contractions Are you already know Way One word Tits Her breasts Yes I knew it I knew it It's so weird Why is he doing that The guy The guy works on Wax off Yeah The guy was full on window washing This woman's tattoos When she was having contractions And she wasn't telling him to get off Yeah Why This was so awkward I was literally trying to do Slash look at anything else When she was having contractions And safe to say this was the most unusual birth experience of my study so far I don't know Maybe it's a relapse Maybe it's a relapse It's so weird It's horrible You mind your You would just be waiting You'd be waiting the whole time For it to go Gavin will you stop that Sorry love It says A quick question if you have time Did Chris do anything unusual Slash annoying when you were in labor Slash had your plans as Aryan Um I uh First one I immediately asked the midwife What the wifi code was Which are called as a stupid man Oh yeah that did happen actually Yeah Yeah I was joking I was like what's the wifi code She was like stupid man And that was you very quickly put in your place In your place But I was joking It was like we're checking all the time That was the joke Um What else Well we had only the first Well with Robin the world hadn't gone to shit then Hmm The world was quite normal Everything was quite normal But with Wave We were in the middle of the second lockdown Yeah So it was really sterile and weird And you weren't there very much And Derrassia Was quite Fantastic It was nice to hear Pop And I picked the playlist I did that I did the important jobs Yeah you did Pop Mr Blue Sky on Yeah that was nice And then yeah And then as pop now Down the down the old pub with the lads For a couple of weeks And then came back and saw how you were going to What was your name Riff How are you? Are you forgetting? Never happened that. Never happened. Ha. Babadu, Babadu, Babadu, Babadu, Babadu. Thank you so much for listening. This week's episode of Shag Mario's Noid, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Yes, thank you so, so much for listening, guys. As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it is Shag Mario's Noid at JBL.com to send us anything you like. The tour is on sale. We have going on tour this autumn, hit Nareena's all over the UK. It'd be wonderful to see there. There are some tickets left for some of them and some extra tickets being added in other places. So once more for this week, apparently so much addition that's good bye from Makers, Ramsey, and good bye from Rosie. Bottom celebrity on the wheel. Bottom out of seven. The wheel? Seven. The bottom. Bye. The bottom. Bye. Bye.